
Diva Tonight with Carlene Humphrey
Diva Tonight with (Carlene Humphrey) offers a unique blend of personal anecdotes, expert insights, and candid conversations, providing a safe and supportive space for listeners to explore their relationships and personal growth.
this is 40 a female perspective focuses on celebrating life at 40, what it means to live life and be happy with who you are.
Diva Tonight " Glamour for your ears "
Diva Tonight with Carlene Humphrey
Life Begins at 40: Embracing Your Best Decade Yet
Debi Kinney shares how turning 40 can be the start of your best decade yet, as she transformed her career from corporate hospitality to goals coaching at 45 and achieved her best physical health at 49. We explore the powerful mindset shift that comes with embracing your 40s as a fresh start rather than a decline.
• Breaking free from corporate America to pursue more fulfilling work with greater impact
• The importance of proactive health monitoring including hormone levels and vitamin deficiencies
• Why coaches look at health, fitness, lifestyle, and business goals as interconnected areas
• The "BID System" for creating sustainable habits through small, consistent changes
• How women in their 40s can leverage self-knowledge and experience to reinvent themselves
• Practical strategies for overcoming overwhelm when making life changes
Visit hellocoachinginfo.com to connect with Debi Kinney and access free resources and tools to help you achieve your goals.
http://www.hellocoaching.info/
Instagram: @coachdebikinney
Facebook: Debi Kinney
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hi, I'm carlene and this is diva. Tonight we are focusing on the age like 40, like who you are as a woman, 40 and the milestone itself and just how great 40 is. And we're just talking about this. I have Debbie Kinney who is in Las Vegas, right, and you change your career from working in corporate America, as they call it, with amazing sale records. I see you have, as they say, quite the resume. So right, you know. So you're a goals coach is what you say. Hello, coaching is your business name. Thank you so much for making the time to join me here on zoom. So what made you decide to change careers in your forties?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Well, thank you for having me. I'm so excited about this topic. It's just I tell everyone that's coming into their forties. They're like, oh, I'm turning 40 this year. I'm like it is the best decade, like run into this decade, it's amazing.
Speaker 2:So I switched from corporate hospitality 25 plus years in meetings, events, sales into goals, coaching at the age of 45, because I wanted more fulfillment. I wanted to feel like what I was doing was having an impact on the people I was working with, and not that events aren't meaningful or impactful, but I was searching for a little bit deeper With events. They remember key moments and things, but I really wanted that connectivity with individuals and also being in events. I was working a lot of hours and I'm raising a son, I have a wife and I wanted to devote more time to my family, so something had to give. So I said you know what? It's time to make a switch.
Speaker 2:And the pandemic hit and I was approached about coaching and I said you know what, let me try it. And about six months in, I kind of did as a side hustle, just to see about six months in, I was like in my office running the numbers and I was like hold on. I called my husband. I said I think I can do this full time, but like, please double check my math, make sure I carried the one and all the things. And he was like, yeah, let's do this. So I left corporate America and started my business and it's been absolutely amazing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it sounds like it is. I've seen. Like you know, International Women's Day just passed, like a few days ago. You know, social media is how we've connected thanks to Facebook, and you know, I see on Instagram that you had this nice little message from women who are celebrating International Women's Day. Are those some of your clients?
Speaker 2:That's clients, that's friends, that's colleagues, that's business partners. I still, you know, I tried to leave events, but I just can't. It's in my DNA. So, as part of my business, I still produce events. I do golfing events, I do spa events, networking events, and so a lot of those photos were from those. But it was just. It was just a collection of all the women in my life who I'm so, so, very grateful for because they inspire me and help me to become the best version of myself every day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, um, you know, what did you study in school? How, like how, how did Debbie get to here? And now you know, like, yes, I mean that.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, that's so many moons ago. I was a communication major which is great. Yeah, it's a broad topic and then I minored in history of the Holocaust, so not applicable.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, I can't say the word applicable whatsoever to what I do today, but I am fascinated by it. And then I went on to get specialty like certificates and credentials within my field of work, both in event planning and then also now in coaching. So I've continued my education. I'm a lifelong learner, but, yeah, communications was the basis for everything. Yeah, I know, continued my education. I'm a lifelong learner, but, yeah, communications was the basis for everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know communication is important. I mean, it's the heart for everything, like you know, when you communicate with clients and customers and you definitely in event planning, that's to a whole all of that. So when you were in corporate America and you said you were working long hours, were you working for a business Like? What business were you working in? I know a lot of it was sales driven, obviously, but when you were in that industry, what was that like?
Speaker 2:So I worked for various types of companies. I worked for a Six Flags theme park, I worked for a convention and visitors bureau, I worked for hotels, caterers, restaurants, destination management companies, so nonprofits. So I had a really wide array of experiences, all under the umbrella of meeting and event planning. But if you think about meetings and events, they're typically nights and weekends and so you know you're working your. They say nine to five. It's never nine to five, it's more like six to 10.
Speaker 2:And then you know, outside of those cause, you know clients have questions and you know part of that expectation in the service industry is availability, and that was that ended up being a problem for me. That was like a boundary issue. I'd get home after a long day and be cooking dinner for my family and my phone would be blowing up, it's like but I've got a crying baby over here and I've got a crying lion over here. What do I do? And then you work your nine to five. And then you have your actual events that you're producing and you're setting up and you're attending the event and you're breaking down. And so it was, you know, 60 plus hour weeks sometimes, and it's. You know, we're we're much, much more aware now about mental health and burnout and things like that. Back in the day it was just like that's the job, do it.
Speaker 1:You have to figure it out. I know it's crazy. I think, like you said, covid kind of made us rejig or rethink everything or make a different plan, because, yeah, this is when I started podcasting, more seriously too, like the idea came years ago, but I just didn't make a plan, do a business plan and all that. And so hearing you talk about that too, it makes me remember, like you know, five years ago just had opportunity to change the way that things were going for us, and so it looks like it was a good change for you. Definitely Right, 100% was yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I'm literally like I pinched myself. I'm grateful every day, literally living my best life. It's, it's amazing.
Speaker 1:Because we're talking about, you know, that milestone birthday or, you know, from the age of 40 to 49, and just being a woman in the in this life, in this lifetime at that, where our bodies are changing and everything's happening, and I feel like it's. It's kind of like you're all comfortable in your own skin now. So what do you say to that?
Speaker 2:Oh, 100%, absolutely Well and it's interesting because, as I shared with you before, you know, when I read about your podcast, I immediately am just so excited to talk to you because I think 40s is the best decade. I'm, whatever nine months shy of 50 or seven months shy of 50. So I'll let you know when I get there, but as of right now, 40s wins, so I'm super passionate about that. However, in addition, most of my clients are in their 40s to 60s and because I coach in the area of health and fitness, as well as lifestyle habits and business, when you, when you look at health and fitness to your point, our bodies are changing and we feel like, is this even our body? Do we settle? For me?
Speaker 2:When I was 45 and I changed careers, I also went through a physical transformation, completely changed the way I ate, completely changed my workouts and ended up losing 26 pounds and 17% body fat. I got rid of all the chronic pain I had a back injury, got rid of that. So I'm in literally the best shape mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually of my life at 49. And I think when we were younger, you almost looked at 40s is like, oh, that's so old, like life you know is over and you just kind of ride that hamster wheel and for me it's like no, this is a whole new life, a whole second chance to like really, as you said, like be comfortable in my own skin and own my identity and like put it out there, just encourage others to do the same.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so you said a lot of your clients are in that age, and I think today I had a discussion with another entrepreneur and I think there is so much that we don't talk about as women, about, like you know, our hormone levels, perimenopause. There's so much things that I'm learning on my own, like having to, like you said, you have to change your diet because of all the health concerns that we as women in this category deal with.
Speaker 2:and so, as someone who's working with people on their health, what, what are our struggles that you've noticed, you know oh my gosh, so many struggles internally in terms of like, relating to ourselves, like how do we do all the things? How are we moms and wives and career women's, and so you know just that that identity piece. Physically, our bodies are changing, typically especially in the midsection. We're we're getting belly fat, we're feeling bloated, our clothes aren't fitting the way we want them to. You know, we maybe don't feel as sexy to our husband or as sexy to ourselves or our partner, and so there's a lot of changes that are that are happening emotionally with our hormones. It's, you know, a whole, it's a whole roller coaster. So there's an even just with mental health, because as your, as your emotions and your hormones fluctuate, your mental health can actually suffer. So one of the first things that I do with my clients is I have them not only, you know, get on the scale. I'm a big data nerd, you know we work with the scale. I have them do photos, I have them do measurements, I have them do body fat percentage. Body fat percentage is actually the number one indicator of where your health lies in terms of potential risk for disease. That adipose fatty tissue is a big indicator. So we take all of those. I also with my women. Adipose fatty tissue is is a big indicator. So we take all of those.
Speaker 2:I also with my women. I do have them go to a doctor and get a blood test. I want to check them for deficiencies. I want to check them for hormonal levels, because you can change all the things in your diet but if your hormone levels are off and you need medication to rebalance those, it doesn't matter how many sticks of celery you eat. You have to get some outside help. So I do encourage them.
Speaker 2:I work in tandem with the medical system because nutrition is a big piece of it, but it isn't always all of it. I worked with a client back in the fall who was having massive hormonal fluctuations and I'm so thankful that she agreed when we started working together to go get her blood tests done because it was it was dangerous like she's had to have some, some procedures done to that extent and that's not to, you know, scare. That was an extreme situation but it's so good to. That's part of health and wellness. Right is getting those evaluations annually and making sure that you're ahead of it. You You're being proactive with your health, not reactive. That's. That's really my point.
Speaker 1:So you talk about hormone levels, so can you get a test for that? I think this is like the second you're the second person to talk about hormone and I think there is this thing where that's not something you necessarily check, like check your, your iron and your vitamin levels thing you necessarily check, like check your, your iron and your vitamin levels. You know, I notice like here and in canada you don't get as much sun in the wintertime so I've had to up my vitamin d and and so hormones is that something that you can't like? What are you checking when you, when you help your clients, what are you asking them in terms of blood work? What do you ask them to?
Speaker 2:check, I ask them to go to their doctor and work with their doctor. I don't, I'm a, I'm a coach.
Speaker 1:I don't prescribe you know, yeah, not in that sense, but I meant, like you said, blood work, like general blood work is like it's just your checkup right, check cholesterol, those things, but yeah, and, like you said, some doctors will go deeper.
Speaker 2:Deeper they'll check thyroid levels, like I get a blood test every three months and it's checking, like my vitamin and mineral checking, my, you know, oxygen, um, oxygenation, and so you can go as deep or as surface as you want, but the main thing is to do it regularly, to be proactive, not reactive, and to watch the trends over time. So I go every three months and my vitamin B level I've been taking massive doses of vitamin B. It's not moving. So we had to take a different course of action because it wasn't alarming in and of itself in the test, but because it's not moving over time and I'm supplementing massively, it's like, okay, what's going on. So those are the types of things that I can work with clients and the medical system to to watch those patterns and to give accountability for and to make a plan for it so that that health and wellness piece does get covered off on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're pinpointing the important things too, because I think for, like me, like many black women suffer with like low iron and I'm anemic, and I've been like this since I was a kid and I think, well, there was at one point where my iron level was so low and they had to do other tests, because it's not like I wasn't taking my supplements and eating. But once you figure it out, it's like wow, it has to do with family history too. Once you figure it out, it's like wow, it has to do with family history too. And knowing that and had I known before, I probably would have done a regular test because it was just like wow.
Speaker 2:Now we're in that situation where you're in dire straits and you have to make a radical change, right, and so and if you're deficient in something like iron, it can impact other systems in your body and so now it's not just the iron but it's, you know, a host of other issues caused by the deficiency. And so you know, trying to get ahead of that and knowing some people just run at a certain level For me. I've had an autoimmune disease since I was in fourth grade and I'm on medication now and you know again, I'm 49. So it's been a long time and I'm on medication now and have you know again, I'm 49. So it's been a long time.
Speaker 2:But this medication, typically it has some obviously side effects, like it impacts your bone density, things like that. I run on a very, very high dose of it. But my doctor knows me well enough to know you operate really well when you're on this high dose. So what might be kind of too high for someone else, you handle it really well. So we're going to keep you there. But that's the importance of going regularly, regularly to make sure that it's all monitored and not causing other side effects. So yeah, it's just it's knowing what your levels are and making sure you've got that pattern established so you can just watch for trends and any changes.
Speaker 3:Diva Tonight glamour for your ears. This is 40, a female perspective.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so important, like you said and we were talking about I think it's very important, like when you're considering getting a coach. I think a lot of people don't think it's important to have a coach and to help you facilitate because, like, we have to manage so much and so you were saying with your, with what you do, like we're talking about health, but life coaching, do life coaching, business and personal but you say they all, they all intermingle with each other. So why is it important to you feel, as a coach yourself, that you have to look at everything as a whole, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Well, for the people that think like, oh, I don't need a coach, or you know, coaching is a waste of money, or a coach can't help me, I say look at the top athletes, the top business people, top celebrities they all have coaches. They are at the top of their game and they still have someone coaching them. Because that outside perspective you know, as our own little human bodies, we're too close to a lot of the issues that can really take us to that next level. So having that outside perspective is so helpful. The reason I coach under the umbrella of goals coaching in health and fitness and lifestyle and business is because those four areas are like the four wheels on four tires on a car, so if one goes flat, the other three are working a lot harder.
Speaker 2:Or if you're doing really well in one area, the other areas might be, you know, pulling back a little bit, and so I try to really help people stay moving forward, keep that momentum staying integrated.
Speaker 2:I don't really believe in the word balance, because I that implies like 50, 50, right, like work-life balance, like sometimes you're going to be working harder because you got a deadline, or you're trying to land a client and sometimes you're going to be on vacation with your family and you're going to be working harder because you got a deadline. Or you're trying to land a client and sometimes you're going to be on vacation with your family and you're going to be kicking your heels up on a beach with a pina colada. It's about integration and finding that your own sense of balance for you. But that's why I chose those four areas, because those, typically, if you're really killing it in the gym, you're probably doing really really well at work because you're feeling good. You're feeling good, you're eating well, you're meeting with clients, so we want to make those so that they're as integrated as possible, and so that's why I coach those areas.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so when you say that it's like if one area in your life is suffering, then other areas start suffering, exactly, yes, the opposite is also true, yeah, and so it lifts all ships Right.
Speaker 2:But it is also true, yeah, and so it lifts all ships right. But then if you've got one tire, it also pulls on the other, um can, can harm your car. So you gotta, you gotta, find that integration I.
Speaker 1:I feel like you know it's a habit to. How do you change a habit like for me? I'm a night owl and and because I'm, the work I do is shift work, so sometimes I'm opening, sometimes I'm closing, and the. I got myself in a bad habit where I have to now force myself to try and go to bed earlier every night because if I don't, I I will stay up later than I should. Right, and sleep is so important with everything, right, and so, as a coach, how do you help your clients change the habit Like the? You know the bad habits. It's hard, you know.
Speaker 2:It's really hard.
Speaker 1:And implementing the good habits is hard too.
Speaker 2:We're easy we all be walking around with like supermodels like billionaires you know like no.
Speaker 2:So what I do? I use this system. I call it the bid system. It's called breaking it down.
Speaker 2:I, literally right before you and I started talking, I just got off the Zoom with a brand new client. She's feeling really stuck in her business, unmotivated to the point where she doesn't even want to get out of her robe and leave her house unmotivated. So she's got a goal. So we talked about her big goal, which is a dollar amount, and I said, okay, let's break that down to get to this dollar amount a month. What are the bare minimum steps that you can take every single day to get you to that end goal? It's doing the least amount of work, as you know, making it as unpainful if that's a word as possible. But the secret formula is doing the work plus consistency, plus time. That equals the results.
Speaker 2:So we devised a plan for her we're just going into month one where she's going to do three things every single day, just three things. And they're not crazy. It's like five client check-ins a day. It's like being in the office for a set number of hours a day. They're not crazy, they're not unrealistic. But as she starts to build those patterns and those habits and she starts to see the results. The momentum will build and that's how we start to build even bigger habits and then we can just layer on top of them. But to answer your question, it's it's find the smallest step that you can take towards your goal, implement it, implement it consistently and then build on top of that Right right.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness, that is so important because it's like I think a lot of us can relate to that client where some days you just don't want to get out of bed, like you have to, like you're forcing yourself and trying to find the motivation, because I think, more so now there's more mental health concerns than before. There's things, like you know, various issues that people deal with that you know it's kind of like unspoken thing, but I mean I think we're becoming a society that talks more about mental health and I think with a coach, that helps too. And so routine is very, very important, I think, with mental health, and COVID taught us that. But when you're someone who's like easily distracted you work with clients like that. You know what I mean Like yes, and so where do you start off first? Because I feel like we're kind of overwhelmed with, so it's like information overload.
Speaker 2:It is, it is, and that's why creating that structure and that discipline is super, super important. So I have another new client that I'm working with. She's about a week and a half in. She's got a weight loss goal, she's got some pre-diabetic, pre-high cholesterol numbers coming back from her doctor. But we're not going to say like never eat red meat again and go eat kale six times a day. That's not realistic or sustainable. So we set her three goals for the first week and a half, two weeks, of us working together and it's we're going to drink a set number of ounces of water, we're going to eat dinner at home four nights a week instead of zero or one nights a week. You know like it's starting to just make these little lifestyle changes that will then again start to build the momentum. You start to see the results.
Speaker 2:Me, as a coach, I add that accountability. So when we feel that overwhelm of like oh, there's just this huge goal out there and I don't know where to start or what to do, I'm helping to sort of like spoon feed the steps, layer by layer by layer. But you just have to start somewhere, somewhere small, with something that is like oh yeah, I can call five clients a day, I can drink 64 ounces of water a day Like this. Isn't rocket science, right? And then, as you start to realize those small wins, your confidence builds, you start to trust yourself more and you're like, ok, I can do more.
Speaker 2:your confidence builds, you start to trust yourself more and you're like okay, I can do more. I can eat kale twice a day now, and I can cut down red meat once a month, or whatever that looks like. So that's where we start with. The overwhelm is just making really, really small changes.
Speaker 1:Well, since you're talking about clients, so if I was your client and you know a little bit about me now, I said I'm, and you know, working on the diet thing because eating more lentils, rice and more red meat, because that's where I'm lacking, right. So I guess what would your pointers be for for me to that? Because what I was struggling with was keeping my iron at a certain pace, and now I've actually my last checkup. It had improved immensely. So I have to keep that going right and not fall off the beaten path, so to speak.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I mean it's.
Speaker 2:that's why I say start small is because when you get those, those small wins, then you can build on top of them. If you try to just go like, go for the gold right out of the gates, it's really hard to sustain them. It's like all these things that you have to do on top of what you're already doing. So if you can pick one or two or three healthy things that you can do, like I want to eat more complex carbohydrates versus simple carbohydrates, I want to drink more water. I want to eat more lean protein, not fatty protein. I want to incorporate more legumes into my diet, those small steps versus saying, like you know, I'm never going gonna have fast food again, or you know like all or nothing.
Speaker 2:So to make it sustainable, it's just creating those one, two or three goals that you keep with day after day and then you build on top of that. Does that answer?
Speaker 1:that question. Yeah, it does. It does. I think it's, like you said, small, for which is what I work towards and definitely have to start again. You know what I mean, because sometimes it's like this week and then the week where you know doing with like pain, back pain and, like you know, not feeling the greatest Right, and so the one part of you know being 40, I'm still doing, like you know I'm not at that part yet, but like you know what I mean the menstrual cycle that we all have to deal with, like once a month, you know, and that's the part where, at this age in life, it's more painful. You know. So, but, yeah, I think what I want to say is if you work, you work with clients from various, not just in the U S. Yes, so if someone is interested in working with you, what's the best way? Do people contact you on your Instagram, on your website?
Speaker 2:Website is the best place because it's kind of the one-stop portal that takes you to all my social media and all the places, my email, all of that, so it's hellocoachinginfo. Is my website address and from there you can connect with me and there's all sorts of like free resources and tools and articles on that site. But it will also connect you to Instagram, facebook, linkedin all the all the things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's amazing and you know it's. It's important that you share your story and I think the one thing I didn't talk about or ask you about family life and how your son is older and, you know, been married for a while, and so, at this part of your life, what is the one thing that you can say to any woman in their forties, at this stage of their life, you know, or if they're turning 40, what would your your message?
Speaker 2:I think, um, I would touch on what I tell people every time they tell me like, oh, I'm turning 40. I'm, like, I'm so scared of this. Like, you know, turning this corner it's midlife and I just I tell them it's the best decade yet. Like, it is not old, Life is not over. Like, if anything, it's a brand new chapter to reinvent yourself and to really go after your dreams. You know yourself better. You've been in your body for 40 years. Like, you know what you want, who you are, what your values are. That's the time to embrace that and go after it.
Speaker 2:Typically in our 40s we're more established, career, wise, financially, so we have a little bit of a cushion to be able to say like, oh, I want to start a side hustle. Or oh, I really want to train for a marathon or a Spartan race or meet my. You know the love of my life and I would my time to really connecting with a partner, and so that's. My message is like, this is just the beginning of a new chapter. It's the. It's the best decade. I love it.
Speaker 1:And even if, like you, aren't like financially where you want to be like, what do you say to that, to to those women you know as well?
Speaker 2:It's not too late. I mean, I am. I'm living proof. I was in corporate america, so it's you know, set payday and out on my own. Now I'm making better money than I've and I have more financial and time freedom than I ever had in corporate america, and that's one of the reasons I decided when I started coaching I didn't coach business coaching, but I'm an award-winning business strategist, I love sales and marketing, and so so I was like you know what? I've built my business and I want to pay it forward. I want to help other people do the same. So, yeah, even if you're not where you want to be financially which I wasn't at 45, I was living paycheck to paycheck. We were traveling once a year as a family. We wanted to take a vacation. Now we travel like 3, four, five, six times a year. It's not too late. You can always build a bigger, brighter, better future. Bigger, brighter, better version of you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so important, I think. I think it's. You know, we've been taught that yeah, your degree, and then you're going to find a job and, like you know, the goal is to work and make that paycheck. And entrepreneurship is not something for everyone, but I think there's just some of us that realize that we want to do more with our time and it's so important. And so, as a coach and someone who has a very experienced business background in sales, I think that goes to say that probably helps you to what you're doing. But if someone wants to transition, right, what do you, what do you say to them? Because I think it's hard in your mind to start off and it's that push, and so I feel like you're that person to advocate for for a few years, many years now.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, I mean, I think we're all in sales on some level, like we're all selling ourselves all the time, no matter, you know whether we're selling.
Speaker 2:You know a cup or whatever like we're, we're always all in sales. But from a transition standpoint, I say look at what you want to be doing and look at what you're currently doing and what skillsets are transferable. So, for example, in event planning there was always like this overarching end goal, this end vision of what we wanted the event to look like and feel like and be like. The same thing goes for coaching and whether that's a weight loss goal, a muscle gain goal, a business goal, we all have this end vision, this dream in mind. So we just reverse, engineer the steps to get there. It's the same thing I was doing in event plan. All the events were totally transferable. It's just under a different umbrella and that's. I'm not a unicorn in that right, Like that's for anybody out there. Look at what you're doing, Look at what you want to do, Find the skills that are transferable and go for it.
Speaker 1:No, that's some great advice, and I want to thank you for sharing your process and your journey. I'm Carlene and this is Diva Tonight with Debbie Kinney in Las Vegas. Oh my gosh, I haven't been in so long, but I love it. Yeah, definitely. So thank you again for sharing, thank you.
Speaker 3:Diva Tonight with Carlene will will be back. Send us a message on instagram at diva underscore tonight.