Turning 40 The Second Teenage Adventure with Keren Eldad

Have you ever wondered if turning 40 could be just as exciting as the teenage years, but far more empowering? Join us for a riveting conversation with Karen Eldad, renowned coach and author of "Gilded," as she unveils the notion of a second adolescence at midlife. We tackle the cages of ambition and the relentless pursuit of perfectionism, discovering how reaching this milestone can herald a golden era of self-discovery and authenticity. Through inner work, we explore transforming fear into deep appreciation and reverence for life.

Unlock the secrets of manifestation and the immense power of self-belief with engaging insights from music and theater. We promise you'll rethink your limitations as we reference popular culture icons like the Backstreet Boys and the musical Wicked. Karen shares her personal journey through the creative process, underscoring the importance of persistence and learning from setbacks. By understanding our origins, we can truly appreciate the journey towards success and fulfillment.

High achievers, this one's for you! Conquer the challenges of people-pleasing and perfectionism by embracing mindfulness practices that enhance not only professional success but also personal well-being. We cover cornerstone habits like meditation and the revolutionary "pause principle" to help transform reactive responses into thoughtful actions. As we wrap up, we express our excitement about Justin Bieber's much-anticipated track "Gilded" and celebrate the impactful contributions of Karen Eldad. Don't miss out on this empowering episode that's all about reclaiming authenticity and championing personal growth.

Chapters

• 0:05 Reclaiming Authenticity at Age 40
• 8:46 Unleashing Manifestation and Self-Discovery
• 19:29 Breaking Free From People-Pleasing and Lying
• 29:08 Empowering High Achievers in Midlife
• 42:05 Celebrating Karen Eldad and Beliebers

Transcript

Voice Over Bruce Hayword : 0:05

diva tonight a series turning 40, new season, new ideas and great guests hi, I'm carlene and this is diva tonight.

Carlene: 0:18

I'm excited to have with me on zoom karen eldad, and she is a coach and now an author, right Added to her resume. She's a TED speaker, and you know what A little aside, we are talking about 40, because that's the series that we're talking about. But just tell me more about this exciting new book, like how did it come about?

Keren Eldad: 0:48

Well, you know that I'm like the midlife crisis queen. My last TED talk was called why you Should Pray for a Midlife Crisis. The themes of Gilded mimic the themes of the midlife crisis, so we're still talking about 40. And the subline of the book Gilded is breaking free from the cage of ambition, perfectionism and the relentless pursuit of the book Gilded is breaking free from the cage of ambition, perfectionism and the relentless pursuit of more.

Keren Eldad: 1:09

What happens to us after the age of 40, I like to think, is like adolescence. And I'm not the first person to think about this, by the way, carl Jung was way ahead of me. But it's sort of like adolescence in the sense that when, in adolescence, we become physically large enough to stand up to our parents, in our 40s we become metaphorically large enough to stand up to life. And this is when you actually start asking big questions like why am I relentlessly pursuing more? Do I actually need to do things this way? Does everything need to be perfect? We really start to challenge the beliefs that we've had that have hindered us thus far. So I'm super excited to talk to you about dropping all that behind and moving into an era like no other.

Carlene: 1:47

A golden age, if you will, I like it. The golden age, the golden era, so many things with that. So what does 40 mean to you? Like? When you turn 40, did you feel like, oh my gosh, I'm going through a midlife crisis? Or, oh, I'm embracing it?

Keren Eldad: 2:05

I actually was already past the first crisis, so I was fine. Like it hit me in my late 30s and then it's kind of a rolling thing. It'll come back in different iterations, you'll see. Anyway, you're up for a lot of fun stuff in your 40s. But what 40 means to me is authenticity and really beginning to be much more of who you really truly are, because you stopped giving a tiny rat's ass about everyone else's opinion of what you should be. And this only gets better with age, technically speaking, especially if you're willing to do the inner work to really break free and start honoring your worth and your preferences, it just becomes clearer to you. That's what 40 means to me.

Keren Eldad: 2:52

I feel like until I turned 40, and especially since I had the crisis where I was like doing what everybody else does right, which is I haven't achieved what I wanted to achieve and I'm definitely not where I want to be. This is where you can start to start to have meltdowns and freak out and also start becoming essentially more confronted by your own mortality and freak out and also start becoming essentially more confronted by your own mortality. Once I passed that hurdle, I started to really think in different terms Instead of thinking, wow, I guess I'm not going to be here forever. I thought, wow, I'm not going to be here forever, I'm going to have some fun. I'm going to really enjoy this. I'm going to make the most of this. It wasn't scary, it was reverential. You see the difference it wasn't scary, it was reverential.

Carlene: 3:26

You see the difference? Yeah, I do, I do for sure. I feel like it's kind of like you're in your own comfort zone now and you're accepting who you are, and that's when things start to come to you, like I think even at 39, I started to finally understand, and I think we get clarity in different stages in our lives. Understand, and I think we get clarity in different stages in our life. Some people, like, already know what their gift is or what their passion is. And I'm sure for you, like you've been an entrepreneur now for eight years, as you stated right, and so was, I mean, the book itself. Was that a goal too? Was that something that?

Keren Eldad: 4:05

no, it was something I always wanted to do, of course, but to drive the business, but it only came to be when I had a real message. I really wanted to create something that was to serve my clients. It wasn't about goal, it was about service. I think very few people, carlene, are like Justin Bieber, where they know when they're 12, what their mission in life is, what their purpose is. I think most of us come into it in our 40s and I'm pretty sure data backs me up, even though I don't have any research off the top of my head. But the reason is because, until we're in our 40s, we really are climbing a ladder. We really are doing what's expected of us, whether we see it or not. We're trying to line up with what society wants for us, what our parents wanted for us, what we've learned from our culture around us.

Keren Eldad: 4:49

At the age of 40, around the age of 40, for most people, the midlife crisis, by the way, is 35 to 55, academically speaking. I know a lot of people were like, oh my God, demi Moore is like such a great representation of midlife. She's 62. So, unless she expects to live to be 124, not technically midlife, be 124, not technically midlife. The midlife crisis for most of us is really when we start to challenge all of what got us here, because we don't want to take it with us anymore and we understand that where we really want to go, this will not stand anymore and, unfortunately, the only way to get out of it is to break everything, and that's why it's called a crisis. It's literally the death of an identity, so that a new identity, a more authentic identity, can emerge. Are you already starting to feel that?

Carlene: 5:31

Yeah, it's like it's a lot. You know what I mean. It's like, yeah, you've said a lot and so in my mind, I think a lot of things are clear to you when you start doing work on yourself, like I mean, we're always working on ourselves, but I think, when I started doing mindfulness practice and meditation, that you know you're, you're accepting of, like your mistakes and who you are and trying to break free of, like that negative self-talk and I think a lot of us do that. You know what I mean.

Keren Eldad: 6:07

Yes, and that's exactly it. That's why this is so uncomfortable. That inner work that you're describing, which I hope you're tempting everyone with, is hard. I love that my cover of my book is so glamorous and beautiful and I hope that a lot of people reach for it because it's gorgeous. But the work itself is hard. It is not light, it is hard and it's worth it too. It's January 2025.

Keren Eldad: 6:29

So I still have wicked fever, even though I've watched it three times since it launched in November, and I keep thinking about how many of us resonate with the idea of defying gravity. But in order to really break free and rise into who we're supposed to be, rise into our mission in life, be our most authentic self, like Elphaba does in Wicked, you have to break some stuff up. You have to really have courage. You have to go really deep. You have to start challenging all that negative self-talk and, in order to find true love for yourself, start asking yourself whether it's true. That's what the book hopes to help people do, to really give them practical ways to do this and also to line your path with strategy that will allow you to do something after you've shattered those demons, so that the rest of your life can be the best of your life. Does that make sense?

Carlene: 7:22

Yeah, it makes sense. So the book title Gilded why? Why did you name your book that I know?

Keren Eldad: 7:31

Yeah, you know what Gilded means. Gilded means covered in gold, not real gold, and the reason is I wanted people to see that everything in their life that looks so perfect and polished and shiny is actual garbage, and they usually know it. My subtitle was going to be why your life doesn't feel as good as it looks on Instagram, and I think that sort of says it all, and that's also why the cover image is a gilded cage. You know, we we essentially are trying to convey with this book that you are trapped in a cage of your own making and you've locked it from the inside, and it is my hope that everybody who starts to truly wish for a life that feels good to them, for results that actually go the distance, understand that the first thing they need to do is unlock themselves. Free their mind, so the rest can follow. Free your mind and the rest will follow and that's uh salt and pepper I don't know, I don't think it was actually wait a minute.

Keren Eldad: 8:30

No, that's not salt and pepper, no, free, free.

Carlene: 8:32

Your mind was not salt and pepper, no, no, I'm even older than you no, I don't know why that, why I thought that was no, vogue yeah and Vogue right. Oh my gosh, I love the references to music. I watched one of your videos that you created for us to manifest things you know for the new year and I love that you reference the Backstreet Boys in that video.

Keren Eldad: 9:02

Yeah, I mean, you know, what's really sad for me is all my references are from before the year 2000. Like that's how super sad and old I am. But many people in my defense love the Backstreet Boys, so they're going to get it Right.

Carlene: 9:15

Yeah, I love the Backstreet Boys. I finally got to see them before COVID happened and I was a great show. Oh yeah, I would definitely go see them again and it was a great reference. And I think a lot of people don't understand what manifesting means. But getting back to what you're saying in the cage, like your cage, do you know what I mean? I think you have to believe that you have to unlock things, that you have to figure it out, like you're going down the wrong path, like if you're doing, they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Right and so, and by the way.

Keren Eldad: 9:52

That's the biggest problem with manifesting. Let's talk about manifestation for a second. I'm a huge law of attraction junkie and I like to say that you should listen to me because technically, I have gotten everything I've wanted Knock on wood. That doesn't mean I'm going to keep it forever, but that definitely means that I've got something going on. I've got some understanding. The main understanding that happened to me around that midlife crisis, around the becoming of the real self, was letting go of all the defenses, the hard work, the perfectionism, the overachieving attitude that I had. That was actually blocking my manifestation.

Keren Eldad: 10:26

All of us think if we work really, really hard, we'll create great lives. This is not true. By the time you're 40, you really have to know that that's not true. That's clearly not true. With due respect, Jeff Bezos is not working 10 trillion times harder than I am. Clearly he's got something else going on.

Keren Eldad: 10:42

So if I can start to bust that myth, I can start to bust that myth. I can start asking myself well, what does manifest? What does create the manifestation of my dreams? And the first thing is my beliefs. I have to unlock myself from beliefs that are actually antithetical to what I want to manifest. If you want. Let's say that you want a million dollars. A lot of people want a million dollars, right, but you don't believe that you're worthy of a million dollars. You don't believe that you can have a million dollars. You only think that having a million dollars is very, very hard and it's going to make you work to the bone and it will involve selling your soul. You're never getting it. Never going to get it, Never going to get it. I think that was also on Vogue. Never gonna get it. Anyway, if you can start to unlock these patterns within yourself, if you can start unblocking these chains, these weird covenants you made before you came to real consciousness about who you are, you will start to see in your life absolute miracles.

Carlene: 11:39

Yeah, I think it's all in your mind, though, and wanting to do that. I think it's all in your mind, though, and wanting to to do that. I think it's like you said, believing in yourself. I think that's where it all comes from, because if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will, and I think, like, we want other people to help us get there, but we have to get there, right? That's right and it's not.

Keren Eldad: 11:59

it's not just that no one else will. Let's again manifestation the universe won't. If you don't believe in yourself, the universe won't either. That's it. It's that simple Cause and effect. So you have to dance with the universe If you really want to defy gravity. You got to get on that broom, you got to believe that that broom is going to fly. I'm sorry for continually going back to Wicked, and if anybody out there has still not watched it.

Carlene: 12:22

You got to watch Wicked. Go see Wicked. Too great, too great. So the process how long did it take you to write the book?

Keren Eldad: 12:34

Oh so this was a nightmare. I wrote a newsletter about my literary purgatory no-transcript. It took me seven years, there were at least five iterations of this book before five drafts and they were just not landing. And I think I had three or four agents before actually landing the agent who got me, the editor who got me and the publishing house who made the right offer.

Keren Eldad: 13:02

I think a lot of authors will encounter this right Like. It's a very tough process, but I'm very grateful for that. I'm grateful that it happened this way because, honestly, Carlene, they weren't all the drafts before, they weren't the book that I was supposed to birth into the world. They weren't the right service for people around the world with the message I really want to share with the world. This one is. So I'm kind of glad that I got beat up a little bit because it made the work better and, you know, I think a lot of us can look back at all of our lives that way, right, Like, instead of thinking I can't believe that crap took so long and happened so badly and instead think it really made this cake a lot more delicious.

Carlene: 13:44

Yeah, I think. What did she say? I forgot the actress's name, but she's like there's no elevator to success. Unfortunately, you have to take the stairs. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, and so I guess it took you seven years to create the book that you had envisioned, and it's like all the steps that it got to get there right and like, yeah, you know. The one thing I think we haven't spoken about is like you in order to get where you are, we have to know where you came from. So, like you as a person where did you grow up? What was your?

Keren Eldad: 14:20

well, listen, I'm not a therapy person, so so coaching is rather different. I like to say there's no blaming mommy here.

Keren Eldad: 14:29

We really want to think what your state of mind is now where you want to go for that, yeah, but I do think that it's helpful to look back, not in order to relive and not in order to relitigate, but in order to learn. That's the only thing that's very useful about the past. I grew up in a very, very nice home with loving parents. I won the lottery, in that sense, in life. At the same time, I also grew up, like almost everyone else, in a culture that told me what was the right way to live and what was the not ideal way to live, and because I'm very sweet and very pleasing, I chose to conform. So all my life I did check and check and check the right thing, which I detail in the book. I went to the right schools. I married a tall guy which, as we all know, is the holy high grail. I had a job in a corporation and then later an executive position in a corporation. I had the big house, all of it, until at 31 or 32, I really started collapsing in a deep depression. I became suicidal, and this is when I start asking myself what is happening Now.

Keren Eldad: 15:34

There were a few things that were truly happening. I was in an abusive relationship because I just wanted to get married, so much so that I didn't disappoint my parents, who believed that it was very good to be married, that I married a terrible, terrible person and I was terrible with finances because I had very low self-confidence, and a whole bunch of other stuff was really wonky. But what had truly happened, carlene, was I had pursued a path that was not my path. Like so many other people, I chose to live a life that is appropriate instead of a life that is good, and that's again why I called it Gilded.

Keren Eldad: 16:07

It looked real good from the outside, nobody could tell that anything was wrong, but in the inside it was just garbage. It felt terrible and I wanted out. So then, luckily, by the time I'm in my mid thirties, I decide to take a match and burn everything to the ground not physically, metaphorically speaking OK, ok, and one by one, I got divorced. I actually did lose all my things in a fire. I guess the universe has a sense of humor. I moved back to New York from Zurich where I was living. I rebuilt my career not yet coaching, but I started to go on a deep inner journey and then, in time time, I discovered who I really was and what I truly wanted to do, and here we are here we are.

Carlene: 16:50

I feel like is there a song that goes with that one? I don't know. Yes, there is.

Keren Eldad: 16:55

I've never been to me, or any song by Alanis Morissette is very appropriate for my life.

Carlene: 17:02

Oh, alanis Morissette, I love her. Think about it.

Keren Eldad: 17:06

She has a song for everything she really does.

Carlene: 17:09

Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of references there. I can't pinpoint something, but, oh my God, right now I'm thinking about Thank you, remember, thank you India, yeah, thank you Clarity. Oh my gosh, my friend would love you. He loves Alanis Morissette. I love, I like her too. She's great and your story is great. And I think it's important because without your story, like we don't know who you are, and like it's important to know the person behind the message, behind the book and behind the journey there.

Keren Eldad: 17:44

Yeah, I always say you should like, whenever you're looking for a teacher, look to somebody who's who's really been through it. I don't think that people who've really been through it can teach. But I've really been through it and I think also, unfortunately, my story is pretty common. I think a lot of us get trapped in a life that we thought we were making conscious choices in but we were not making conscious choices in and then we end up waking up at 45 going the fuck am I doing here? And that's that's usually a very positive moment. It just doesn't feel very good in the moment.

Carlene: 18:14

Yeah, or like you're just going through the motions and like thinking, and then when everything just stops right Cause like listening to you makes me think of like my year for like 10 years, like I was working not 10 years, sorry, 10 months, I was working a job and it slowly started to like the job was toxic and it started to affect my whole like mentality, everything. And you don't realize it until like everything, like you said, crash and burn.

Keren Eldad: 18:44

Literally like and that's why I say trauma is very useful, because most of us won't move until something terrible happens, Like you just said. You're sitting there in a toxic environment for 10 months, not having the thought I feel like I should leave, but then something traumatic happens and you go. Okay, I have to leave. This is actually a good thing.

Carlene: 19:03

Yeah, yeah, no, it is a good thing it is. It took me a while, like you always go through those emotions in life. You're like upset at yourself, like you said the whole high achiever and what your story just makes me think of like just various periods in our lives where we have that moment where we're like, okay, I have to change my path Right and like rethink everything Right and it, yeah, I think everything Right.

Keren Eldad: 19:27

And it's a wonderful time to do so. The last chapter of my book I think it's the last chapter is called Pray for a Shitstorm. And many people are like do you wish trauma upon me? No, but I am telling you that when it comes to your door, you really should start thinking there's a reason this is happening. And if you can think that way, and if you can even think it isn't happening to me, this is happening for me, you are on the verge of glory. Yeah, it's what set my life free. It really is.

Carlene: 19:54

I'll set your life free. It's like that song, nelly Furtado, I'm like a bird, I'm like a bird on a highway.

Keren Eldad: 20:03

I don't know where my soul is. Okay, that's another very old reference.

Carlene: 20:10

You know what Whoever's listening will get the references.

Keren Eldad: 20:14

I really hope so, Because if there's like a Gen Z listening test, they're gonna be like these are sad old people Okay well, make up more.

Carlene: 20:24

Well, I hope I can think of a retro like something more. I have a really good one, the.

Keren Eldad: 20:29

Biebs. Justin Bieber, who, as you know, is my best friend, wrote a great song that actually started me thinking about this angle for the book. I swear he really inspired it. It's called Lonely. He produced it with Benny Blanco and it goes what if you had it all with nobody to call? Maybe then you'd know me, and I literally thought about how many of my clients look like they have everything, look like they have it figured out, but they're actually alone. They're actually lying about how good things are. They're lying to themselves about how good things are. They're not sleeping properly, they're trying to maintain appearances, they're in jobs that are not the right ones for them or careers that are not right for them. They're in situations that they've chewed all of the flavor out of. Then what Then? What Then? Who do you talk to? That's why I created at least the book, if not coaching, so that you understand you're not alone. There's a lot of people going through this and we can help. Yeah.

Carlene: 21:27

And then you know if they're like your clients, like they're in the wrong job, they're in like how do you help them start over? Or the change. You know what I mean. That's the hardest thing is to change. It is yeah. No, you know what I mean. That's not the hardest thing at all. That's not the hardest thing at all.

Keren Eldad: 21:43

And, by the way, it can also be the wrong marriage and it can be both, which is even harder. What's really the hardest part is admitting that you have a problem. It's not the actual change. The actual change is bupkis compared to admitting that you have a problem. One of the best books I've read in the last 10 years is called 12 Steps, 12 Traditions, and it's the book that helps people in Alcoholics Anonymous. I like to say that Gilded is the book I wrote for Workaholics Anonymous, another type of addiction, and it's also a couple of steps to break free. But the first step is identical to the Alcoholics Anonymous one, and it's step one admit that you have a problem.

Keren Eldad: 22:18

Most addicts, most people who have been in a toxic workplace for 10 months and have just gotten used to how bad things are, don't see it as bad anymore, and you know that happened to you too, right, like there were moments where you're like I can handle this, I can deal with this. All addicts do the same thing. If you talk to an alcoholic, they say I can control my drinking, I've got this, I have this under control. And most people think they have their life under control too. They're like listen, I think this is an ideal. But who has an ideal career situation, who has an ideal marriage? This is fine. I can live with this.

Keren Eldad: 22:51

They're making a bargain with God to buy themselves some time, but what they're really doing is lying. They're lying to themselves and they're lying to other people. And that's why I say something unbeknownst to you and under no control of yours will intervene. There will be trauma and something will break this. Hopefully, instead of that, you'll just choose to go into coaching and say, karen, I don't know what to do, can you help me? And then I can help you. And, by the way, the solution is not necessarily divorce or change the career. I like to say different places, different faces, but unless you change, nothing really will. You'll just manifest different circumstances. The coaching work is not about changing your circumstances. It's about changing you from a people-pleasing, compromised perfectionist who is working against themselves to a person who is genuinely free.

Carlene: 23:43

People-pleasing. That is definitely something that I think a lot of people can identify with. I'm one of them especially if you don't Recovering people right here. Right, Because it just you're just like OK, if I just agree, just do what they want, then there's less argument, less controversy. I don't want to start anything rustling.

Keren Eldad: 24:07

Yeah, yeah. And that's also why you continue to lie, because, think about it, if you have to confront the fact that your marriage is broken, you have to go through a whole fight and maybe a divorce, and I mean, nobody wants that level of discomfort, right? So you just go, it's fine. It's fine. It's just fine. It doesn't matter that we haven't had sex in seven years, it's fine. This is not fine. This is not no, this is not fine. And so that's what I'm what I'm trying to say and what I tried to say in my last season of the podcast. My podcast is called coached is it's not OK, and you shouldn't live like this. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to feel good, your life should feel good to you, and I really hope that. Maybe not everybody will hear that, maybe not everybody will believe that, but some people will and they'll make a decision, like I did, that will change their life.

Carlene: 24:53

Those are some powerful words, miss Eldad. I feel it, I feel the energy coming from that. It's very profound in that way, and so my book comes out this month in just two weeks. Oh, that's why. That's why when I go on the site, it says pre-order, pre-order. That's right, pre-order, OK. So two weeks Wow, this is exciting, exciting. I mean 2025,. You're starting things on a high note here, how much higher can you go? I really don't know. It's January Right now. It's January. So, I don't know, I really don't know.

Keren Eldad: 25:33

But I'll tell you what I've learned. That, just like because you and I were talking about the wildfires in LA today, right before we went on. I think what I've learned is not to think that this is going to be a good year or a bad year, just to understand that, no matter what happens, I'm ready. That's literally. The only thing that we can do is I'm okay and I will be ready, and so the universe can do its thing.

Carlene: 25:56

It certainly can. We just don't know. It's like one day at a time. That's all we do yeah, we really never know. Yeah, yeah, that's crazy when you think about it. Yeah, how this year?

Keren Eldad: 26:09

I mean, we probably have, god willing, at least 40 good more years, and that's why I really want everybody to think about what I just said, which is why would you just have an OK life if you can have a fantastic one? We only get one shot around, and I think we don't think about it enough. We don't think enough about, like, how important it is to really have a good time.

Carlene: 26:30

Oh my gosh, you just said the words. Do you want me to sing that song?

Keren Eldad: 26:33

Let's do it.

Carlene: 26:34

OK, are we thinking the same thing? I don't think we are. No, I'm thinking about an oldie. Ok, we're here, for I think I'm going to mess up the words here for a good time, not a long time. So have a good time. The sun can shine every day. What?

Keren Eldad: 26:54

were you thinking? What were you thinking? I was thinking about Kool and the Gang's celebration. Celebrate good times. Come on, anybody who is listening to this. We really are having a serious conversation.

Carlene: 27:06

We just happen to be lacing it, peppering it with songs of the 80s and 90s oh my gosh, karen, I love you ever since you told me you love Tina, tina Turner, years ago, I was just like she loves music too. It's amazing. The journey right. And so in two weeks, what are your plans for the book launch? Tell me about that.

Keren Eldad: 27:31

It's going to be big. It's a lot. So, pivoting back to business, yeah, and that's another thing that happens when you turn 40, you start getting real serious and you stop worrying about other people underestimating you because you're 40, bitch, so get out of my way. We have a real plan in place. We have a lot of publicity going on at the moment. We have all the social media etc. Campaign, but I'm going on a book tour that is going to be in like three or four different cities every month for the next six months. Wish me luck. I hope all of them show up, have a good time and buy some books.

Carlene: 28:06

Amen, amen Sounds good. I'm happy for you.

Keren Eldad: 28:10

Thank you.

Carlene: 28:10

Okay, so we didn't talk about where you are, so I'm here in Toronto, canada, and Karen is. Yeah, I'm freezing my butt off. It's super cold Minus 17, with the wind chill. I'll send you a copy of Gilded to warm your heart. Thank you, thank you, I'm looking forward to that. Thank you, I appreciate it so Texas.

Keren Eldad: 28:35

Yeah, I'm in Austin, Texas. Actually, I said to you before this happens to be the coldest day in history of the Texas, but it's still not freezing, we're fine.

Carlene: 28:45

Yeah, you can go outside and you can still feel your face.

Keren Eldad: 28:48

Yeah, you can I mean you can go outside in a light jacket and you'll still be absolutely fine. You know what I mean. So yeah, but that's that's one of the things that I like. It's the temperature is relatively mild here, unless you're here in August, in which you literally feel like you're on the sun. Everything in life is a bit of a trade off, and this one's mine literally feel like you're on the sun.

Carlene: 29:07

Everything in life is a bit of a trade off, and this one's mine, yeah. So, speaking of business and your career and the fact that you're a coach and you help those who are high achievers, when you say that, are we talking about the athletes of the world, the entrepreneurs, like? When you say high achievers, what do you exactly?

Keren Eldad: 29:31

Well, yes, we do mean athletes and we talk about entrepreneurs and there are a lot of founders in my programs but what I really mean is people who are intensely wired. They like to get shit done, they're fast paced, they're decisive and they're slightly obsessive. And you know who you are. You know who you are. Some people are obsessive about growing tulips. I don't particularly care what you're obsessive about, but you are wired to do work. You really really like to do work and you can overwork.

Keren Eldad: 29:51

Those people usually have the symptoms or the issues that I deal with anxiety, overwhelm, perfectionism, of course, beating yourself up very, very high standards, punishingly high standards, relentless pursuit of more. It's never enough, it's never enough. So that's always what we're trying to mitigate, because, believe it or not, those tendencies are not working for them. It's actually ruining their success. It's hindering the amount of success they can have. Once we help them to relax their beliefs and relax these tendencies, they become way more successful and relaxed too. So it's a real nice double mammy. I hope that that's what you find in the next decade. I hope that in your forties you say I'm not only going to be more successful, I'm also going to be more relaxed. That's, I think the way it should be.

Carlene: 30:36

Yeah, overwhelm anxiety, that is. I think a lot of us deal with that. And like those breathing exercises oh do I do those a lot you know, like when you really want to say like, yeah, it really is helpful, but you know, so important, yeah, so important.

Keren Eldad: 30:53

It's so important to meditate.

Carlene: 30:54

Oh yeah, you know what I realized? Like a lot of things go hand in hand, like meditation and routine, and like determination, like drive, like people who are successful. I have to ask you because I mean, you obviously made a plan, you stuck to it and you are here now and you've written this beautiful book right. Lots shiny cover, like that shiny cover that we have on Instagram. Our life looks so perfect, but it's really not. So what do you believe it is to be successful? How are you? How is Karen successful? How so?

Keren Eldad: 31:32

I believe it. I believe that success is about being able to sleep at night with your soul at peace. That is what real success feels like. Success for most people has to do with achievement.

Keren Eldad: 31:41

You talked about habits before, but the most important habits are the habits of peace, the habits of ease, the habits of relaxation, and the reason why they all go hand in hand with each other meditation, breathing, morning discipline, morning routines right, they're very, very common to overachievers is because they tend to be known what's known as cornerstone habits. Cornerstone habits are a habit that affects every other habit in your life. For example, in studies published in a really wonderful book called the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, he found that people who give up sugar sugar Carleen tend to actually also become much better at budgeting. Even their budget is affected, and that's because they're watching one thing and then they become more mindful, naturally, of other things. It's exactly the same when we start to take time in the morning to breathe, to meditate, instead of reaching for our phone.

Keren Eldad: 32:33

The next thing we do is also more mindful, and the next thing we do is also more mindful. Everything trickles down. These become, and the next thing we do is also more mindful, Everything trickles down. These become cornerstone habits and, as a result, it's no coincidence that I've had this success. I don't think it's just luck. I do think it's some luck. Of course, luck is part of life, but I also think it's habits. It's just really really solid habits and really being mindful of staying in a positive, as much as possible mind space.

Carlene: 33:01

So for those who don't know what mindful is, want to care to elaborate. Yes, I'd love to. I'd love to.

Keren Eldad: 33:08

Mindfulness is what changed my life. The act of mindfulness, all mindfulness exercises are aimed at one thing, and they're aimed at turning your about to have a reactive response to something into a response that is measured and thoughtful. That's why it's called mindful, not like the cool TikToker mindful demure. That's not what it means. It means turning an about to have an aggressive reaction into a mindful response. The way to do this is by A addressing a challenge by doing are you ready for it? Nothing. B taking 17 seconds of absolute nothing to literally think through what you're about to do. And I'd like to offer your audience three steps in those 17 seconds.

Keren Eldad: 33:51

Number one ask yourself is the way I'm about to react a bigger problem than the problem itself? Spoiler alert it's always worse the way you're about to react. If you're about to land on somebody. It's always worse. The way you're about to react if you're about to land on somebody. It's way worse than whatever they did to you. Number two is there any other way? I can see this. Anybody applying a tiny iota of thought will immediately realize that every situation that looks bad to you can be seen in seven different, at least most cases, for example, short of grief. And number three. If you can get through question two, start asking yourself what's the opportunity here? What's the opportunity? And that's how you turn things from happening to me, which will make me move into attack mode, to happening for me, which will have me dancing with the universe and manifesting what I really want. I hope that's helpful. That's that's called the pause principle. I teach it. It's in my book Gilded. I literally ask people to start to practice this all day, every day.

Carlene: 34:45

Wow, yeah, you know what the first thing you mentioned is like thinking about it, because we often don't. When you actually react in the moment, that's when you regret it after you're like maybe, yeah, sometimes, whenever I used to, when I was dating people and I texted them immediately.

Keren Eldad: 35:05

I almost always regretted it, like, literally, ask yourself to take some time always, especially if you're about, especially if you're angry, if you're angry like, one of the things that used to piss me off the most was people said sleep on it. No, I want to resolve it. Now I have learned that sleep on it is the best advice you can give anyone. Literally, give yourself a moment. The way you're about to respond is usually volatile and not conducive to what you want. Relax, think about it and then respond. It's called being a grownup. You're going to love it.

Carlene: 35:33

I don't want to grow up, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding, it's too late for us. I can't go back to Neverland, no no, it's too late for us.

Keren Eldad: 35:44

And here's the best part. The best part is when you start entering perimenopause and suddenly your body's like you're old now and there's nothing you can do.

Carlene: 35:51

Yeah, it's the way, it's the way of life there's. There's just a yeah, it's the way of the world. Yeah, we're just understanding each other. So, as someone who is entering into the new year, what advice do you have for someone who is 40 and they're going through, you know, the changes of life? I mean, we're talking about the milestone, right, and I love it.

Keren Eldad: 36:18

I love this question. So here's what I recommend absolutely anyone who's entering the middle of the years. Number one take your mindset and your life and your life depends on your mindset Very, very serious. Invest super heavily in your mindset. That's something that I only started to do when I was 38, investing in coaching, reading the self-help books, the development books, listening to podcasts like these. It's changed everything for me. It's a return on investment like you would not believe and it's the most important thing I can do.

Keren Eldad: 36:47

And the second thing that I would say about anybody entering their 40s is start to mind your community and your vibe around you. We really do become the people we hang out with, and at 40 is a really good time to start checking your environment and seeing if it's still the right environment for you. If you really want to level up, if you really want to become rich, if you really want to become successful, if you really want to become happily married, the people around you should be happily married, should be successful, should be rich. It's very simple we really do become what we see too. So don't just invest in your mindset. Also curate your company. Be very diligent with your company. Yeah, there's a saying that goes with that, but I can't think of it at this moment. Most of us become the average sum of our top five friends, and that is so, so true, so true.

Carlene: 37:37

Yeah, you know what? I think it's a lot of change, right? You know, like when you're looking at yourself and your life and the people that you surround yourself with, because it's like if you've known people for a very long time, it's hard to let those people go, like your friends or your family too, and making those tough decisions, you know, is hard yeah.

Keren Eldad: 37:59

Fortunately, and you want different results, you're going to have to understand that. I started to plug into entrepreneur organizations, for example, because I wanted to be around other people who are really interested in building this, and that's not just so that I could be around people understood me but so I could level up. It's been very, very useful. When I wanted to get married and to be very happily married, I started hanging out with happily married people. I had a really nice example around me all the time and, as a result, you also become happy.

Carlene: 38:25

It's just the way we are. How are those like? What did you learn from those happily married people?

Keren Eldad: 38:31

I learned that a happy marriage is possible. That was really important for me as someone who'd been in an abusive relationship and had seen a lot of miserable relationships and single people around me. It was really nice to see that some people genuinely like their spouse, genuinely enjoy being married, can really do something glorious. And the second thing that I learned was how to communicate how to communicate well, what really good communication looks. And here we are, here we are. We really do learn these things. We learn these habits. You watch how they think, you watch how they speak and, as a result, you start to identify what to do and what is right, what works.

Carlene: 39:09

Yeah, communication. I feel like you're very articulate, like you know what's coming next, what to say next. So is it come with practice? Because I read somewhere that you know being a good communicator also has to do with reading a lot as well, do you think? Do you think, but no?

Keren Eldad: 39:27

Okay, I think what really makes you a good communicator is knowing your shit. I've seen a lot of people who are very, very good at seeing very talented writers even, but they actually don't know the material very well, so it's very hard for them to answer real questions. They're not listening first of all for your real question and they're not as and they're not able to really give you a coherent answer. I just really know the material very well and, in this particular case, can't do it. If, however, you decided to talk to me about stuff I don't care about, like dogs or, right now, us politics, I wouldn't be so articulate and I wouldn't be that interested in having the conversation. Does that make sense?

Carlene: 40:04

Yes, it does make sense. You know experience. It's its own teacher, right? Yeah, yeah.

Keren Eldad: 40:10

It's always about interest and fluency in the material. That's, I think, what makes people truly articulate.

Carlene: 40:17

On a last note, what would you like to share with someone who's listening? What do you think is important for 2025? What are your?

Keren Eldad: 40:27

Well, here's what I'd love to share with for anybody who had a tough year in 2024. And that's what why 2025 is so important to them. For many of us, 2024 was a tough year, was a year of great uncertainty, was a year in which many patterns in the world were starting to seem to us to be unfair and more difficult than usual. And for those of us who are making the transition into our 40s, there's a lot of uncertainty ahead. My message to those people is this year and the decade ahead will be as good as you make it. Make the decision.

Keren Eldad: 40:59

Make the decision to raise your standards, make the decision that this will be better than before, and then follow it up with action, any action Reading Gilded, listening to more podcasts like these, making the decision to sign up for a coaching program, doubling down on your dreams in any other way, leveling up your skills. And it will be. It will be a great, great year. My parents always say there are years that ask questions and there are years that answer. I think that 2024 was a year that asked questions, and I believe that 2025 will have the answer. So let's go in, and let's go in with that spirit.

Carlene: 41:37

I love it. Oh my gosh, bless your parents. Wow, that's a beautiful quote. Like I love that. That's amazing. Thank you, karen, for sharing your insight, and you know just your experience. And the book Gilded comes out January 21st 2025. I'm excited.

Keren Eldad: 42:05

I'm sure Justin Bieber will be releasing his Gilded track soon.

Carlene: 42:06

I hope he does. I really do. I'm a. Bieber right.

Keren Eldad: 42:11

Wouldn't that be crazy, are you like?

Carlene: 42:12

writing it out I'm a.

Keren Eldad: 42:14

Belieber yes.

Carlene: 42:16

I am too. I'm fully admitting it, even though it's been a secret, like my friend knows. But you know I'm a believer, I totally am. Yeah, so your social media.

Keren Eldad: 42:29

And Karen is spelled with two E's, as you know. So at Coach, karen is the best way to follow us, the best way to reach us, and the podcast we posted there it's called Coached Podcast. We posted there, it's called Coached, and if anybody would like to schedule a clarity call or learn more about me, it's Karen Eldad dot com, which is K-E-R-E-N-E-L-D dot A-D dot com. Even if you're in Toronto and even if you're freezing your ass off right now.

Carlene: 42:53

That's right, I'm Carlene, and this is Diva Tonight with the lovely Karen Eldad Yay, thank you so much, thank you. This is Diva Tonight with the lovely Karen Alden Yay, thank you so much, thank you, thank you for sharing Diva Tonight with Carlene will be back. Send us a message on Instagram at diva underscore tonight.