Exploring Life's Path at 40 with Ashley

What if turning 40 wasn't just a milestone, but a profound moment of reflection on life's journey? Join me, Carlene, and our guest Ashley Newport, editor for INSAUGA, as we unravel the complex tapestry of emotions that accompany this significant age. We share our stories, discussing the intricate balance between caring for young children and aging parents, alongside the heightened awareness of health that marks this stage of life. Together, we paint a candid picture of how the paths we've chosen in family and career shape our perspectives on aging and the cultural perceptions that come with it.

As the conversation unfolds, we delve into the seismic shifts brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic, exploring how personal events like loss and new beginnings have redefined our lives. We recount the challenges of navigating a world turned upside down, reflecting on shifting family dynamics, career changes, and the resilience needed to forge ahead. Through personal anecdotes, we contemplate the lasting societal impact of the pandemic, acknowledging the trauma and upheaval it has left in its wake. 

We also take a fascinating journey through the landscape of technological advancements that have shaped our generation, considering the role of media influence and the internet in our lives. From the rise of social media echo chambers to the transformation of employment and information access, we discuss the double-edged nature of technology. Join us as we explore these themes and more, enriched by Ashley's insightful contributions and our shared reflections on aging, parenthood, and life's transitions. Let's connect and keep the conversation going on Instagram @diva_tonight.

Chapters

• 0:05 Midlife Reflections and Milestones
• 8:15 Reflections on Life Changes and Challenges
• 19:43 Learning Curves and Interview Insights
• 26:14 Aging, Parenthood, and Reflections
• 33:38 Generational Differences and Media Influence
• 37:57 The Influence of Technology and Parenthood
• 47:24 Turning 40

Transcript

Bruce Hayward: 0:05

diva tonight. Glamour for your ears. This is 40 a female perspective, with carlene humphrey. Our guest is ashley newport, the editor for in saga hi, I'm carlene and this is Diva.

Carlene: 0:22

Tonight, on this episode, we are actually doing a focus on a milestone birthday turning 40. I turned 40 in April. My colleague turned 40 not too long ago. We are talking about what it means to turn 40. And, without further ado, ashley Newport, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm not too bad, actually. Thanks for asking. I appreciate you taking the time to be on the podcast and share with us, on Zoom, your experience with the milestone, or just even your thoughts. What are your thoughts on 40, like turning 40? It's been hard.

Ashley: 1:05

I did not want to turn 40. I didn't want to, you know, die, which is the alternative either. But it's shocking to me. Sometimes I walk around or I'm just like working, or I'm just, you know, I'm going to bed at night and I'm like I'm 40. Like I'm 40.

Ashley: 1:19

Because 40 is kind of that age that when you're younger, as might recall, you know, when you're in your 20s, 40s old, like you're like, oh, 40, you, you know 40s, like you know your mom. Mind you, your parents might have been older than that when you were in your 20s, I don't mind more, but it's, it's quite something. And it's weird now because I'm 40 in October, uh, and I have a three-year-old. Like so many people, I had, you know, a child late in life. He was born three days before my 37th birthday. So I often think about how, you know it's crazy, but when he's like, starting high school, I'm going to be 50. Whereas, like, when I was in starting high school, my mom was like, not, I think my mom was just turning 40. Wow, and I was going into high school. So that's, like, you know, crazy to me. Another thing I was talking to another friend of mine recently who's turning. She's turning 40 in January and I was saying like I think there's a lot of talk about how you know it's never too late.

Ashley: 2:12

And that's true, it's never too late. You know people haven't, you know, settled down yet, whatever that means for them, and they still want, you know, marriage, or they still want kids or they still want to do. You know, whatever People say, you know it's never too late, like that's that's true. But one thing that's kind of interesting about starting a family, at least closer to 40, is it's a weird time in your life because you're kind of you're approaching, or you're, in, middle age, you're going into, like you know, perimenopause. Like you know you're kind of looking at your like change of life in the face and you're also dealing with other things like aging or sick parents. Like you know, I lost my dad a few years ago. My mom's alone now. So you have, like you know, different responsibilities, whereas you know it kind of used to be. You know you'd be in your 20s, you'd have a kid, your parents might have been, you know, like young and help you, but now you kind of have like multiple different caretaking roles, be those like physical or emotional.

Carlene: 3:06

Yeah, that's so true, though. I think a lot like some people. Like, when they have their, their kids young, they get to grow with their kids and experience life in a different way, whereas when you have your kids later on in life, it's like the path to get there, right. And then you have me where I'm 40 and I don't have a child, you know, and you get reminded that you're not getting any younger, and you know, I even had the conversation about kids with my dad and I'm like, when, when were you thinking about all this? Like you know, I'm surprised, because my dad never pressured me or anything or said anything, right, and so 40 is that time. You're right, though, because it makes you think about all these things, and if you weren't thinking about it, your doctor is going to remind you because I've had so many appointments, right, and so for you it's kind of like. I guess it's a reminder of where you are in your life too, right.

Ashley: 4:03

Yeah, yeah, and the medical thing is really interesting too because, like not interesting, it's scary, right, because not that people who are young can't get sick, they can.

Ashley: 4:10

But once you hit 40 and it's really been very something I've thought a lot about is your risk of all the illnesses goes up right, like it's like oh, you know you're 40, you could, you're more likely to get these cancers you're more likely to have.

Ashley: 4:24

You know you have to be more careful about your heart and your blood pressure, and you're this and you're that. So being middle-aged comes with like an increase in like health issues which I haven't really addressed yet or really like dug into, because but it's always in the back of my mind I've always had like major health anxiety, like always. So that's one thing too is like you know, when you're 26 and worried about your health, like you know that the odds are in your favor, that it's not anything serious, whereas you know, when you're 46, which we're not there yet, but you know the odds of there being, you know that lump being dangerous, or you know those heart palpitations being more serious is much higher than it was do you think that maybe because you had your son later in life, you were were focused on your I need to have a family at third?

Carlene: 5:07

you know what I mean. Like I remember when we had our conversation about school and like how you got to your position in Saga right now. You know what I mean. It's it's one of those things where I feel like what was important to you at a certain, at certain stages in your life, you know.

Ashley: 5:23

It wasn't really about making this versus that. Actually, it wasn't like, oh, I'm going to prioritize like this over that. It just kind of happened.

Bruce Hayward: 5:30

Right right.

Ashley: 5:31

And how things worked out for me. After I finished school, as you know, we went to school together. I met someone and we dated for almost six years, but then, when I was 29, we broke up. So I had expected that relationship to, like you know, last forever and get married, and it's good that it didn't. But I found myself at 29, having to kind of start over, and so it wasn't like, oh, I'm 30. Do I have a child or do I pursue a career? It was just like I'm 29. And this is where I'm at, like, currently single, and the career thing also just kind of happened. Naturally, at the time I was, like you know, 20,. That's kind of a good you know benchmark.

Ashley: 6:05

It was 2014, or we broke up the end of 2013. So, beginning of 2014, I was working at my dad's office, I was freelancing on the side, I finally moved out of my parents' house and I lived at home until I was 29. So, like you know, 2014 was like a big year in that sense. I like got a condo, because you could actually get one. Then it wasn't outrageous, like it was like a challenge, but it was like a doable thing and around that time I think it might have been a bit later 2015, where I had been freelancing for Insaga and then the publisher said you know, I think I can bring you on full-time. So I accepted. So you know that just kind of happened. And then it was just like it was. It was crazy, it was a whirlwind. It was, it was crazy, it was a whirlwind, it was really demanding, but I pushed through and we have like a bigger team now. So it's a whole different experience, but you know, that just kind of is how it happened. So I started kind of growing with, like you know, in that role and then, right before that happened, in 2015, I met my like current husband. We like met online but it was, like you know, easy to hit it off because we'd had mutual friends. Funny story is that he went to high school with a good friend of mine. So, 2013, I'm single. 2014, I finally get my own place. 2015, I meet my now husband. 2016, I start the job that I'm at right now.

Ashley: 7:20

And then my husband and I we got engaged after dating for two years, which I think is like a kind of standard, normal time for like people in their 30s, because we started dating when we were both 30, got engaged when we were 32, got married a year later, 33. And then we didn't want to have kids right away, we just kind of wanted to, you know, enjoy. We like bought a condo downtown so we were living in like a building at like right up front in Jarvis, a condo downtown, so we were living in like a building at like right up front and jarvis, and we were just, you know, enjoying like our lives downtown. We were going to like lots of we've talked about this we were going to lots of tiff movies when tiff was in town. We would go to like jfl when it was in town.

Ashley: 7:52

We weren't big like partiers, like we're going to like clubs and stuff like that, unless it was like a special occasion, but we were just like enjoying life, like the festivals and the events and like the freedom. And then, you know, once we were both 35, we thought, you know, okay, now is probably a good time to start, you know, thinking about kids and COVID hit.

Carlene: 8:11

Right, right, right yeah.

Ashley: 8:13

COVID hit. It was just a crazy time. Everyone was just like at home, doing nothing, not knowing what was going to happen when this was going to end. You know, you know my dad got sick. That was a big, huge, massive, monumental, horrible change in my life and that you know. So that was a really like just tough and terrible, terrible time. And then you know happenstance, like shortly after he passed away, he died in January of 2021. I found out I was pregnant. There was like some planning involved, of course. Right, like you know. You know, okay, we're 35. Maybe we should start trying for like a baby, see what happens. But a lot of the stuff it wasn't really, you know, like, oh, I'm gonna not date because I'm going to do this instead. Or, oh, I'm going to put off this so I can do this instead, like this is just honestly how it kind of both, and I feel like having that family dynamic is important to to who you are as a person.

Carlene: 9:13

You know what I mean. But listening to you talk about your timeline and listening back to you, I can think about myself, like every stage of your life. What was happening Like at 29, I think I just finished school and I was in Humber. Yeah, I just finished.

Carlene: 9:30

Humber, and then I was in my first apartment on my own. I mean I had roommates and then I moved on my own and then I tried to find work in radio but didn't. So I got a construction, a job, working reception and then I was at Ikea and so stuff happened then. But yeah it's. It's kind of one of those things where listening back to you I feel like the hallmark to the stepping stones to your life and maybe even your decisions is maybe the people in your life like your parents and like how they brought you up and what your role models are, or just who you are as a person. You know what I mean Like we both grew up in different household dynamics and even listening to you talk about it, like we've talked about other things and the fact that we both know each other from York University and even at York.

Carlene: 10:18

You know your experience at York was different than my experience at York. You know what I mean. I got into York, took out a student loan, had some drama happen along the way, where at one point for me it was like Ooh, I don't even know if I'm going to finish Like I had a moment like that. So it's like listening back to your experience is so amazing at the timeline and you know, things always happen in life that we're not prepared for and I think I have to go back to you and what you said like dad passed away. I'm sure that was hard right To be like I'm pregnant and I'm going to have a baby and my dad's not.

Ashley: 10:54

Yeah, it was obviously just like a terrible time because obviously, like you know, the death of anyone close to you and your family, who you love, is obviously a horrible thing. But it was just an especially weird time because it was covid. There was, like you know, huge restrictions in place. You know, people were told, like you know, not to leave their houses, not to do anything. So you know, the whole time he was sick, it was like, you know, you're not supposed to come here and then, of course, like his last like 10 days were he's in the hospital before he passed away. Like no one was allowed to go there except for my mother. It just felt awful, like it's, you know, a terrible memory and a terrible time. But you know, there was a lot of distraction at that time too, because you know, the died and then it was kind of like okay, like the worst scenario has like occurred, like it's happened, like he's gone.

Ashley: 11:36

But then I was pregnant, so I have to, you know, look forward. So we moved that year not far. But you know we were in a condo at the time and I was like I don't think I want to have a baby in a condo, like I mean, people do that. That sounds terrible. People do that. It's totally fine. So we moved to a house. Our house is not large.

Carlene: 12:10

It's a little bit of a fixer upper, but at least gave during COVID too. Oh, where'd you end up? Moving to Brampton? Yeah, I moved from like Scarborough to Brampton after Christmas. Oh my gosh. Moving December 27th, oh my god, 2020 brutal.

Ashley: 12:20

What made you decide to move to Brampton?

Carlene: 12:23

I was working actually in Mississauga at BMO at the time, and so that was the transition Don't move close to work, you know and so I moved there because of that. But I also moved there because of like my friend referred to the landlords. So it kind of worked out because I got the place way earlier. But, like you, it was like COVID happened. Then I got laid off. So 2020 was a roller coaster too. Yeah, like oh my goodness. So hearing you say you were moving and then you have to help your mom move and then you're oh my goodness. I think 2020 is a period in our lives that, even though we move forward, we still think about it.

Ashley: 13:06

It does. It casts a long shadow. It casts a long shadow. I think we don't like to talk about the intricacies of it, like the political debates at the time and the you know should you wear this mask or should you do this Like? I don't think anyone wants to talk about or dwell on that anymore I certainly don't. But just the upheaval it had in people's lives, I think is quite something and I think we see a lot of trauma from that era still just in the. This is kind of a bigger topic than this, but you know what we've seen the past few years like in, you know, society writ large. We've seen, you know, massive increases in homelessness. We've seen huge increases in, or appear to be large, you know, significant increases. I think that's been percolating since before, but COVID didn't help. You know mental health and addiction issues. We still see, you know, a lot of upheaval with the economy. High prices, house and rental prices are, I'm sure, as you absolutely know, just insurmountable, just insane.

Carlene: 13:54

Just, oh yeah, I, I mean, I'm paying double what I was paying. I totally feel it.

Ashley: 14:01

And yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, and it's's one of those things too where you can say OK, you know like speaking, you know pivoting a little to housing stuff. You know if somebody lives right downtown especially if they purchase a home right, you know you buy an old Victorian in the annex or something like that you can expect the price to be high.

Carlene: 14:18

You know it's the biggest city in the area A Victorian in the annex now, like in the. I mean the annex is not like richmond hill or richdale farm, like that's a really nice area where downtown toronto, where oh, like your farm, like cabbage, oh yeah, yeah, cabbage, I love that area.

Ashley: 14:35

Yeah, I love.

Carlene: 14:35

Yeah, I actually rented a. I, I had an apartment. I lived there for a year. Oh, cool.

Ashley: 14:41

Yeah, uh, we take our son to riverdale farm. Sometimes it's like, uh, we drive to it Places you would expect it to be really expensive, right, yeah, but I mean Barrie and Bowmanville, oh my gosh London.

Carlene: 14:53

We've been to Bowmanville but I keep hearing about it. Bowmanville Is it booming, you know?

Ashley: 14:57

these are, you know like far these places are, you know, hundreds of kilometers away from Toronto, and it's unbelievable and unfair that people who grew up in these communities or who you know are looking for something more affordable, you know are still seeing you know million dollar price tags for townhouses. You know, maybe not that high, but you know even, oh, I believe, that it's probably close to yeah, oh, yeah. So it's just, you know, insane and you know this obviously puts a lot of pressure on people. We know this from work. We write about, you know, crime all the time. We have a lot of reporters who you know work closely on, you know, not like with police, but, you know, with police materials.

Ashley: 15:32

I guess you could say you know news releases, press releases, interviews, going to, you know, press conferences, reading the reports and stuff like that. I mean crime is up like particularly car thefts, right, and like home invasions, like we're all kind of dealing with post-COVID trauma in a lot of ways, just because it was a crazy time and we fought a lot during that time, because there was, you know it was a very, I mean it should have been, you know, kind of simple, like there's this, you know it's a virus. We're going to work on this, but it was very political. You know people. You know you should think of it this way or you should. You know you should not do this. You should do this more.

Carlene: 16:03

People took sides it was yeah, there was a divide when you said, like it should be, it should have been simple. Sars was simple. I think, like SARS didn't hit as hard because, I mean, even though SARS was happening and then people were, some people were affected by it, we were still, the city was still running, whereas when it happened.

Carlene: 16:22

The city wasn't running, you know. We went into lockdown and then we thought, oh yeah, after how long the first lockdown was, oh, we're going to go into lockdown again. Yeah, I can't, I can't go into lockdown again.

Ashley: 16:34

No, no, and there was a lot of people who are very puritanical about it, who were like but it's, you know, it's what's right and it's what's noble, and it's what's best and it is your duty and responsibility to not leave your house for however long. I say you shouldn't leave your house, and I think it. You know what kind of is at the root of the matter is that we don't have as much control over these things as we would like to think we do, because this, you know, and it was you know these restrictions were applied really haphazardly, right, Like, oh, you couldn't shop at a small store, but you could shop at Walmart. You couldn't eat in the restaurant, but, you know, kitchen staff could come in and work at the restaurant, right?

Carlene: 17:07

So a lot of it seems silly, and it was silly. I guess we have to make reference to your job description and what you do for a living because, in hindsight, you are a writer.

Carlene: 17:17

You know what I mean. And Ashley Newport, who I've been speaking to now. We're talking about Milestone, but also about you know what I mean. And, um, ashley Newport, um, who I've been speaking to now. We're talking about milestone, but also about you know just everything that happened all in one self-encompassing so in saga is where you spend most of your day other than your family life, right, and you know how long you've been working at in saga yeah, 2016.

Ashley: 17:41

Uh, I to say but I've been like freelancing for them, Started off freelancing and I want to say that started in 2012, 2013,. I want to say yeah, but full-time. Yeah, eight years. It'll be eight. It was eight years in September, which is crazy to think.

Carlene: 17:53

Okay, well, congrats, you know, you're a veteran now.

Ashley: 18:03

Yeah, I've now. Yeah, I've been doing this for a long time, so it's it's local news. We actually started a uh, maybe this is the wrong word for it, but kind of a sister site, if you will uh, called your city within, which is just a lifestyle site dedicated to pretty much all of southern ontario, but primarily toronto, which is weird because in saga doesn't really touch toronto because it doesn't really need to. It's always meant to kind of be a news resource for the suburbs.

Carlene: 18:25

You know we focus on Mississauga, of course. Brampton Mayor Hazel McCallion and now the new mayor of Mississauga. What's her name? I don't know.

Ashley: 18:31

So she won a by-election recently. Carolyn Parrish, if you're thinking of Bonnie Crombie, who left to become the leader of the Liberal Party- Right, right, let's not go into too much politics, but your role there has obviously advanced.

Carlene: 18:46

You've been promoted and you've worked your way up. Do you feel like you did certain things to move your way up? You know they say, if you want to move up, you gotta be nice. I'm very nice, I'm super nice. Okay, I believe it. I believe I mean I've told you stuff from your our York days, you know together, and before we go further, I got to tell you, ashley, talking to you now it's been so long, but even from our last interview I feel like you are so more outspoken, so more opinionated vocally, like you've always been very quiet, you still talk, but like when we were at York together, it's like talking to you now is like, oh my gosh, this is the Ashley and you, like our York days, like it's so like night and day. It's amazing and it's a good, it's a good thing. You know it's awesome, yeah.

Ashley: 19:36

Yeah, no, I mean it's just been a long time. It's just been, you know, many, many years. But I'm always like very nice, too nice. But honestly, the biggest thing was just the learning that I had to do a lot of it kind of on my own, because when I first started I had never really written a ton of hard news. To be fair, like I wasn't to.

Ashley: 19:53

You know, I had to learn writing up police press releases and cop stuff. Where to find information, where to find out? You know about where crimes were happening, who to contact city hall. You know covering like you know, council meetings and you know reading agendas and you know real estate. That was a big thing. I've learned a lot about writing about real estate, just because it's a big issue and has been for many years. Actually, like pre-COVID, even house prices were getting quite, quite high. So this isn't, you know, it has not gotten better. I mean, the trend is moving in the wrong direction, if you will, but it's been an issue for quite some time. So, just like I've been able to just kind of teach myself stuff, naturally, I guess. And then, as our team has expanded and grown, we've actually gotten some more reporters, like you know people who've been, you know, working at local news organizations over the years that have shut down or moved. A lot of them have, like there's been a lot of small newspapers that have, you know, closed up shop.

Carlene: 20:49

I've learned a lot from them because they have some of them have, like a lot more experience than me actually. Right, I mean, we're going digital in every aspect and you know the paper newspaper, like I mean, you became a writer for In Saga, which was just at the prime time to come out with a digital newspaper. At that time, especially for Mrs Saga, which Toronto had various newspapers, but this is obviously really smart, like when it came out, right. But even to touch on what you said, like doing your own research and like doing getting a lot of information and becoming really good at researching things, right, and you're.

Ashley: 21:25

And when you started off, yeah, it's the biggest learning curve. And then you talk to more. The more you write, the more you make connections and you talk to more experts. So you can like get certain people on the phone and they can tell you about bird flu or they can tell you about housing, or they can tell you about arts recovery or opera.

Ashley: 21:41

I did a, I did a feat, I did like a feature about opera, like opera in mississauga, because every year I don't know if everyone knows this, but about once a year now, and this has been going on for a few years the break for covid, of course, at the living arts center in mississauga they stage a full opera once a year, usually just a two-night run. So you don't have an arm and a leg to like see an opera. So if you want to see an opera, just because you know it's an opera, because a lot of people you know they might, they probably don't listen to opera, music in their spare time. That's very niche. But if you're one of those people, that's just like I've never been to an opera and I kind of want to go. I've never been to one. Yeah, it's accessible, it's not that expensive. Very nice theater, obviously incredibly talented cast. But I was kind of curious. I was like, how does this kind of work, like, how is this sausage made? So I reached out to like the symphony, like the guy who does like comms for like the symphony, and he put me in touch with like the maestro and had, like you know, a good phone conversation where he like told me a lot of stuff about how you know operas don't, how they're funded and how are they funded? Uh, grants, for the most part grants, because they don't they cost a lot of money to put on, not like millions or anything like that, but like quite a bit of money.

Ashley: 22:47

And the talent is rare, especially like in canada, because it's, like you know, big country but small population. So, like, how many trained opera singers are there? Right, you don't really think about this? Not many. So you know you have your talent. They can't perform a ton of shows because it's hard on their voice. So you know there has to be, like you know, rest in between. So it's, you know it's very, it's very niche. So you will, you know, funny, you sell tickets, of course, so you know you might get, like you know, a full house or an almost full house. But I just like, learned a lot from this conversation and now, if any, it just sometimes I think about. Just it's funny. If someone were to say you, you know, why is there not more opera? I'd be like well.

Carlene: 23:23

Oh my gosh, You're the kind of person like me, just full of information, because I I think we learned this from university I don't take what people say for value. I will be like, really, where did you get that? What's your source? And I will still go and research. Really, where did you get that? What's your source? And I will still go and research it. That's just the book the Bookwormin, where you've had the opportunity to interview people based on what you're writing about. So that's so cool. You know what I mean.

Ashley: 23:51

It's been good. It's like you learn a lot and people might tell you things that you have doubts about. Actually, funny story. I won't say who he was because he actually is no longer with us. He died. Is this a musical artist? No, he's not musical, but he was well enough known because he started a fairly successful. He started a fairly successful fast food franchise in the early 2000s.

Ashley: 24:14

So, anyways, I ended up interning at a media company that ran two trade publications called Food Service and Hospitality and Hotelier, and I did. And then, after I finished that internship, I actually worked with them. I worked there, for I did a contract I want to say it was a year and a half, maybe a little bit less than a year and a half. I did like some writing there and learned a lot from them too, and I did a profile on this man that he founded a very successful fast food franchise. I don't know if it is outside of Canada I don't think it is but there's multiple locations everywhere.

Ashley: 24:48

So, but he's not a household name by any stretch, but I was, you know, asking him your, your, your usual boilerplate questions. You know, like, what inspired this? What was your story? And he told me a very elaborate story about a skydiving incident and it was a really challenging thing because I did not believe him like I thought he was making it up and I don't have any proof that he did or not. But it was one of those weird moments where I was like I don't want to include any of this in the story because I think it's a lie and I have no way to corroborate this or prove this didn't happen so was it that gut feeling that you felt like he wasn't?

Ashley: 25:19

telling you the truth. Yes, I had a gut feeling. I don't think he was telling me a lie to like be impressive. I think he was like screwing with me. Like I think he thought it was funny, like I think he was like oh, is this person dumb? Can I make them print something ridiculous?

Carlene: 25:31

I think that's what he was doing, like I felt like, because you were you, you were young at the time. I guess you thought maybe not you, right, yeah?

Ashley: 25:37

like I am. But like you know, there's but I don't.

Carlene: 25:41

But you always, it's always in your gut where you're like, and we always ignore that gut feeling sometimes. So how did you end up writing the story, did you? I don't recall. I don't recall. I think I did a play.

Ashley: 25:52

I think I just kind of said something very much kind of you know, putting the onus on to like him be. You know, he claims that like an accident led to this. Like I just kind of really glossed over it, very vague, nonspecific, because, like the didn't believe the intricacies of the story and I think he was telling it to me not to make himself sound better. Like I said, I think he was messing with me, like I think he thought it was funny, so that was like a tough one. And then later on, anyways, like I said, he, he passed away recently, which is unfortunate, he was not very old. Wow, what did he do? You know? Sorry, I think it was a health issue. I, oh, you don't know, he was only when I can recall I think he was only in his 50s, like his early 50s, not that much older than us a lot of people are passing away, like my co-worker just told me today that his dad passed away suddenly.

Carlene: 26:37

Everything happened so fast. I was like what? Like you know, I saw I was talking like life happens at the flip of the switch, Like you know. You just never know.

Ashley: 26:47

Oh yeah, anything can, anything can happen. I've always like thought of that too, because I'd heard like of instances over the years of you know things happening suddenly which like scares me a lot as I get older and, like I said, you know my son's three, so I think about how you know me and his father are, like you know, 40. And I, you know, I often have like dark moments where I'm like what if something? Of course you worry about your child and what if something happens to them? Like that's a foregone conclusion. You worry about that constantly, all the time. But sometimes there's other dark moments. You're like what if something happens to my husband? What if one of us has a heart attack? Like what if? Like what would?

Carlene: 27:21

what's going on. What happens, though, when you're a parent, though? Like, you think about those things, even though you don't want to think about them? Yeah, wow. I'm not a mom and, I think, a lot of people, the people I know, who are parents like you are right, because you're it's not just you anymore, you're thinking about someone else, it's very important, yes, and like so vulnerable and you know they, they love you so much, like their pains.

Ashley: 27:44

You know like they, they want to be independent, they, you know they're so free though, Right?

Carlene: 27:47

Isn't he just so free Like it's like that burst of energy, right, Like you're so free to do whatever like and say things and not really think about it, and and it's that part of like discovering life, right?

Ashley: 28:00

oh yeah, they're so funny at this age. They say whatever, they repeat a lot, but it's really funny how they like apply their knowledge is it annoying that he asks you a lot of questions.

Carlene: 28:10

I find, like when my siblings were younger, it's always like I'm like I just answered that and another question like what you know. But I think, like you as a mom, you have to be so patient too. But sometimes, you know, you have to be like strict a little bit. So out of the two of you, you and your husband, who's the who's the strict parent and who's the more okay?

Ashley: 28:29

archer, yeah, it depends. That's a good question. There's times where I'm more permissive about certain things, like I'm not as married to routines. Of course my husband's very much like routines, you know. Like this is bedtime and you know this is like you turn off the tv and like this is that I'm not as a stick, I'm not a big stickler about that, but I would have to say my husband has immensely more patience than I do, like I'm more likely to get like frustrated and yell than he is.

Ashley: 28:52

So, even though there's certain things like I don't care as much about, like I'm like okay, if we end up going to bed a little bit later tonight, like no worries, I'm not concerned. Like okay, if you want to watch an extra song, like I don't care, it's fine. Whereas he'll be like no, no, no, you know we have to stick to our routine. Same with, you know, when he's like playing with his like friends at the park and stuff like that, like I won't necessarily like hover, like I'll, you know, kind of stand back a bit. Try to give him like some space. That kind of thing would make my husband more, you know, not listening or having tantrums or being crazy, like I'm the one who's definitely more likely to be like I can't do this anymore Like, whereas, like he has a lot more patience for that.

Ashley: 29:31

So it's kind of an interesting like mix. Like he's definitely more, you know patient with him and like you know, able to kind of, like, you know, sit through more, but he's more of a stickler about the routines. Like this is bedtime. You know able to kind of, like you know, sit through more, but he's more of a stickler about the routines. Like this is bedtime. You know this is when the TV goes off.

Carlene: 29:46

Yeah, yeah, oh my goodness, yeah, oh my gosh. There's so much to talk about, but I think what I want to ask you is this when you turn, when you had your birthday, how did you feel?

Ashley: 30:03

Oh, scared Like being 40 is scary, I think, because I I I could be wrong and I think we'd have to talk to more people who are a lot older than us about how they felt about different birthdays and I think you know their perspective would be very different because they've just lived more life so you think I should talk to other people who turn 40, but also people who are reflecting back to I mean maybe, like, if you wanted to, like, you know, maybe people in their 60s or would have, you know, would be like kind of like different.

Ashley: 30:24

But you know, culturally we've always been obsessed with youth, like always. I think that's, that's historic, I don't think that's new. You know, we've always tried forever to find ways to look younger. But I feel like, and I could be misremembering, but I remember being in elementary school and and I think this is just by virtue of being a child and maybe you felt the same way, but like your parents and your friends' parents, when you were a little kid, they looked and felt old to you, right, like you know, they had this kind of like matronly or, you know, older gentlemanly quality to them. Like maybe the moms had, like you know, that kind of like uniformly short haircut that you know is very utilitarian, you know, very easy to maintain. Maybe everyone's like dad had like a mustache, you know they wore, you know, big blazers and you know they felt like. They felt like, you know, old, right, you know, like you know, not like that old kind of stereotypical, like grandma, but they felt, you know, like old.

Ashley: 31:15

And then I think that something has changed and I think it's a good thing because I think even now you see people who are older than that, people in their 60s and 70s, who still look really youthful, really put together. You know, and I see a lot of people, you know our age that I, you know, grew up with, went to school with, and I might not see them like in person so much anymore, just because you know the way life goes, but you can like, you'll see their pictures on like Facebook or Instagram or whatever, and I feel like people look young and we feel young. Like even though we're no, we're 40, like I still don't. I don't feel 40. Like I know I'm 40, but I still feel the same as I did 10, 12 years ago. I wish I looked exactly the same as I did Like. I look back at those pictures and I'm like oh my God, it was so beautiful. Like, why am I complaining? Right?

Carlene: 32:03

Oh my gosh, so true. I can relate to that and I I've had people be like I thought you were in your twenties. I'm like you're so good for my ego. My body doesn't feel like early, like mid twenties, but it's true, the back ache pains and not being so agile, you know.

Carlene: 32:20

But let me tell you you're right, but when I heard you talk about you know that generation, like when we were growing up, and then now you know we, our generation, is looking younger. I think we are doing things a little bit different and we were that generation that played in the schoolyard and got in trouble for staying past my time to come back home playing basketball with the boys at the community center Wallace Emerson Community Center at Galleria Mall Like I lived in Toronto and my mom coming to get me and fully embarrassing me in front of my friends because I had to come home and I'm just like, why are you wearing a mask? But it's just, you know.

Ashley: 32:58

Memories. But you know she's like, you're coming home, Like what?

Carlene: 33:02

are you doing? Cause I think I, oh I was with my sister Lena. I took my siblings with me everywhere, like you know what I mean, if, like, obviously, I took care of my siblings a lot, like I had to figure out creative ways to find activities for us, right? And so, listening back to you to our time when we were nine, 10, 11, 12 and parents at that time, it's like flashback and I'm I have a memory, like a random memory of like this one girl in my class and her parents were a lot older and I'm you just ignited that memory. I don't even know where that came from, it was so random, but yeah.

Ashley: 33:34

Oh, it was rarer than you know like to have like older parents Like my dad. Actually, my dad was older because my dad was previously married, like before he met my mother. He was married, had two boys, my two older brothers. They divorced Then he like remarried my mom and me and my younger brother. So me and my older brothers have a pretty big age difference.

Ashley: 33:52

My oldest one is 12 years older than me. The other one is 10 years older than me and they lived with their mom. They would come over on weekends and stuff like that, but they were like they lived with their mom in toronto, whereas like my, you know, my family lived in like mississauga and, uh, their upbringing was like so different from mine. Like just the shift in like just that one generation was massive because they were latchkey kids, yeah, yeah, you know, very independent, you know, going everywhere on their own, whereas, like me and my brother, like you know, born just, you know, a few years later in the 80s, were very much kind of like the first, like helicopter, like with parents who kind of hovered, who, like you know, drove us to and from school for a really long time.

Carlene: 34:33

I know every like you know dynamic is like yeah, Hearing you say that, oh my God, your parents are helicopter parents, whereas I'm the kid that was like walking to and from school, and that's the, that's the time where I think your parents were being helicopter, because I think eventually there was that time where, oh, now we can't walk the kids to school because I think, I don't know, I think it happened when we were that age Like when we were 12, where the first kidnapping happened or something happened to change that that scared everyone, because it was a 24 hour news cycle that really made people afraid of kidnappings.

Ashley: 35:08

Because there actually hasn't and there's a lot of like. I can't give you like the stats off the top of my head, but there's actually quite a bit of data on this and there has not been an increase in kidnappings in recent years. In fact they've gone down. I think they peaked, and we're at their height in the seventies and since then they've gone down or stayed low. But there's been more high profile cases Paul Bernardo is probably the one you're thinking of. That was a big one in the 90s, 1994, I believe. Yeah.

Carlene: 35:32

And then I mean it just came up in the news again, but there was another girl I remember because I live close to it and I think we put a picture of her because she was missing for a while, but because I grew up at Dundas and Bloor area and I think it was just one of those things where you can't forget when someone got kidnapped so young and you can't forget.

Ashley: 35:54

It really sticks in your mind because, even though something is, like statistically unlikely to happen to you, knowing that it happened to someone else will always strike fear to your heart, right Like knowing that someone was in a fire. Knowing that someone, yes, was kidnapped, knowing it's, it's impossible not to think about it and be scared. But actually it's funny because this is going to about it and be scared but, um, actually it's funny because this is going to sound really strange, considering, like my, my whole livelihood. But 24 hour news made parents a lot more afraid that there was more crime and there was more pedophiles and there was more rapists and there was more attackers and uh, stuff like that, when, when technically there there weren't you know there's always a nothing's ever risk-free right. You know everything. You could get hit by a car, you could, you know anything could happen.

Ashley: 36:35

But there was kind of a shift in people's mentality and it's gotten worse instead of better, and I think a lot of it now has to do with, like, how much news we consume and how much social media we consume. We're terrified and scared all the time. We're also more polarized. We don't believe things that we know to be true anymore, which is really strange, like things that were kind of set in stone facts of life. You know, the earth is round, you can eradicate a disease by doing this, this, and that People are like, no, that's not true. That's not true Because of you know these weird online echo chambers that people get in.

Carlene: 37:03

What is an echo chamber? What is that?

Ashley: 37:06

It's like, you know, when you go online, let's say, and you just talk to people who believe what you believe, so you're not being exposed to other perspectives. So when people disagree with you or don't feel the same as you, you, you you're more affronted by, you're like, oh my God, this person is, you know, an idiot. Like I hate them. Um, so it's funny, you know, cause, like I make a living writing online. I would not have this job if not for the internet, like the internet's know the only reason I'm employed at this particular juncture. But sometimes and I joke with my younger brother about this all the time, as I was like I think, you know, the internet has now become like the worst thing we've ever done as a society and I think we should get rid of it.

Carlene: 37:39

I know I, my old co-worker, said this to me. He's a lot older, like you said. I think he's in his 60s and he's like you know, the internet is going to kill us.

Ashley: 37:49

It's going to kill people. No, no, I believe it. I believe it, Like not to get into it.

Carlene: 37:53

Because he's older and we're in our 40s, like we're both 40. But we've seen a two sides of things, because the one thing I wanted to say quickly before we end our conversation is that we were born at the start of the internet. So 1984, I actually thought this was interesting to bring up as a game changer, because we're talking about, you know, 2024, the 40th year of our lives. But in 1984, there are a lot of remarkable things that happen Apple unveiled the Macintosh personal computer, revolutionizing the tech industry. The space shuttle Discovery had its maiden voyage mark, marking a significant achievement in space exploration. Sony and Philips introduced the first commercial CD players, changing music landscape forever. And so the list goes on. But we were born at the age of the beginning of technology, ashley. So we're seeing the, we saw the beginning of it and, like, obviously we're seeing the changeover.

Ashley: 39:01

Yeah, we are like we kind of came of age. It's all true, and in high school we started using instant messages, right Like there was like MSN Messenger.

Carlene: 39:09

Oh my gosh, I never even got into that, but that was a big thing. I remember, yeah, big thing. So that was like but we still saw, you remember? Oh my gosh. I want to say well, do you remember zoo ass, do you? I? I remember, I don't know if you remember zoo ass. It was like no I don't website you go on.

Carlene: 39:23

It was. It was something like yahoo yahoo chat, but it was another thing I got into from a friend, but it was. It was like at that time you were doing a lot of Internet like chat, like the start of that you know, but you said Messenger, so you had Messenger, obviously, right.

Ashley: 39:39

Yeah, and I only spoke to people on Messenger who I think, like I knew like in real life, high school or whatever. But Facebook didn't come out until we were further into university. I want to say I got my first Facebook account first only. I want to say I got my first Facebook account first only. I want to say it was basically my first social media. I guess I want to say I started my Facebook page in 2006. I want to say I feel like it was like 2005, 2006.

Carlene: 39:59

Yeah, I think I did the same thing, like when we were at York at some point. Like people were like you don't have Facebook. I'm like no, shut up.

Ashley: 40:07

Oh yeah, it was the thing, and like everyone has it. But I just feel like things have gotten much more toxic with social media. Like you know, people live like I said, they live on Echo, Like they live in these echo chambers on like Facebook, on Twitter Twitter probably being one of the worst offenders, but like a really small thing when you become a younger generation or like.

Carlene: 40:24

I've heard, overheard them saying like Instagram's trash, like I, like I was on the train and this girl was like it's trash, tiktok's like my thing.

Ashley: 40:36

And I'm like, wow, oh yeah, there's things that, yeah, they move ahead for sure, but there's been a lot of like, just it's, it's made us more. Did you ever watch a movie on Netflix? It was a show, like a mockumentary kind of show, called American Vandal. They had two seasons. Do you remember?

Carlene: 40:47

I've heard of it, I remember it, but I didn't watch it.

Ashley: 40:49

I think my friend, my friend oh, OK, it's really good, but there was the second season. There's this part in one of the later episodes where they're talking about social media life in general, particularly for teenagers, and saying how, even though people have never been more like exposed, like never had their lives more broadcast Right Through apps, like they've also never been more dishonest. Um, which like is 100 true, but people live these online lives. What's paradoxical is, like the more information we have at our fingertips. I feel like the dumber we've actually become because we can hand information that kind of like feeds into our biases, right, uh, yeah, and it's just, uh, I think it's just. I think it's like it's been bad for us. Like I make my livelihood on the Internet, like I also for my job, but I think we should destroy it.

Carlene: 41:35

Destroy it. You can't go. I mean we've gone too far.

Carlene: 41:40

We've gone too far and like even George's or George Orwell's, 1984. There's so many books on the future of now, like they already created it before we even got there. So I don't even know how we could have prevented it, because so many movies, books made reference to the future that we're living in now. So I don't even know. But that's another conversation, yes, another idea. So, ashley Newport, thank you for sharing your experiences and your stories. I do want to say this If there's anything that you are hopeful of in this year, the 2024, and next year in the milestone, do you think that you know? What are you happy with now, like how it turned out, like in life, in my own life.

Ashley: 42:28

I'm just In your own life, yeah, In my own life I'm like happy with sort of how things have worked out, like for me right now, like it's a different. I'm actually glad I was saying this too. Like you know, there's there's difficulties with having a child a bit later in life your own health and your own mortality. You think about that a lot more because you know yeah, not that you can't get sick or die when you're younger, but you know things are more likely to happen the older you get. You're also at, you know, a weird stage where you know your parents are, like, you know, aging or dying or you know whatever. But I think that I'm happy to have had him, like when I did, because it won't ever. I won't ever be like, oh, you know, I spent my whole this or that this decade or that decade. You know cleaning, you know doing laundry and you know raising a child, like right now. Like I've done a lot of like the fun things that I wanted to do and I can continue to do them Not as much, and that's OK, but I feel happy and I'm a lucky person.

Ashley: 43:23

There's things in my life that were not at all my doing, that I just benefited from. But I was able to, you know, go to school. I was able to like have a good group of friends. I was able to do some traveling, meet people and have a good time and by the time like he came along, I was, I felt, super ready for him. So, you know, I look forward to seeing, like how parenthood grows, I guess, like how it changes as he gets a little bit older, and I look forward to, like you know, connecting with more people through him.

Ashley: 43:51

Like it's hard to another like hole at their topic, like making friends. As an older person you get the harder it gets to make friends. But kids actually open up a whole new community for you because, you know, once you have kids, you know they're in school or they're in sports or they're in the arts or they're in something, and like through this especially when this, you know, tapers off, of course, as they get older and kind of take themselves to and from you know wherever it is they're going. But when they're really really little, you know you're kind of in, you know contact with you know other, like parents, and this is like a really great way to like kind of build community. Because one thing that I think, too, has kind of been lost with an internet age and exacerbated by COVID, is people kind of in silos, you know, sitting at home on their computer all day watching Netflix or doom scrolling on their phone.

Ashley: 44:33

You know things, I do yeah, yeah, yeah, things I do too. Don't get me wrong, but kids really force you to get out of the house. They they'll destroy your house If you just try to stay home. They'll destroy it, they'll they'll ruin it. They'll take every piece of cutlery out of the drawer. They'll get under the carpet, they will. You know, they're little fireballs Like they. They need to move.

Carlene: 44:53

That is so adorable yeah.

Ashley: 44:56

They need to move. So you know you kind of get out there. So you're like, okay, you know, how can I, how can I fill our time? Right, Like, how can I, how can I fill our time? Especially like coming up. Like my son's daycare takes a two week break at Christmas, which is weird because it's daycare, but you know it's actually a great daycare. Other than that, he absolutely loves it, Loves it, loves it, loves it, and the teachers are wonderful. But you know, you start looking for things to like fill your time with kids. Like you know, should we go swimming, Should we do a play date? Should we, you know, enroll in this class or whatever? And through that you really like build community. And if there's one more important than having a good community of people, Like you need it, you just need it. You need people you can lean on and you need to be there to like have people lean on you. Yeah, Like the song lean on me.

Carlene: 45:37

Yeah, yeah, I think, I think, I think you're right For sure. The one thing that I realized when I had my birthday dinner is that the people who were supposed to be at my birthday dinner were there and yeah, yeah, it was a, it was a good experience. So, listening to you talk about your family, like you're having your son, and seeing what you're happy with, I think over the years, like you know, you have your community for sure, it is very important, it's so important.

Ashley: 46:07

It's so, so important. So you know, like it's good to keep the people from the past, like if you can do that that's amazing. But they might not live as close to you. People kind of, you know, spread out a little bit as they get older. So there's people who you could have called on or seen every day, every other day or every weekend at least when you were, you know, in high school and university and stuff like that. That goes away, as you know.

Carlene: 46:25

Oh, yeah, two of my friends I mean I met you at y but, ashley, two of my close friends I met at York and they're both in the West Coast, one's in Calgary, the other one's in Halifax, that's far. Yeah, but it's a journey. And yeah, I think, like you said, it is harder to make new friends at this age, but I think it is possible, it is possible.

Ashley: 46:46

It's 100 percent possible. And now one thing that's really cool again. Well, the topic especially for people trying to date later in life, because I have a lot of friends now or not a lot, but I have friends who are like still dating, either because they're divorced or single or just like haven't found anybody yet, like I have friends who are still dating, and again, that's a whole other thing. Online dating is like not what it was. It is worse, it is so bad?

Carlene: 47:09

I have. I have good dating stories, bad stories and even stories you know, like meeting people, I met someone at McDonald's, but yeah, it's like I digress. But yeah, I love your story and I hope to hear more stories. I hope you'll come back on on the show. I'm Carlene. This is Diva. Tonight we're talking about this is 40 with Ashley Newport of In Saga, and you know many, many other roles that you have. But thank you for making the time to be here. Thank you for having me.

Bruce Hayward: 47:41

Diva Tonight with Carleen will be back. New season, new ideas and great guests. Send us a message on Instagram at Da underscore tonight.