Finally Named It: Getting an ADHD Diagnosis in Your 40s Changes Everything

We talk with ADHD-informed coach Sarah DeGrave about getting diagnosed later in life and why it can bring both grief and freedom. We connect ADHD to creativity, perfectionism, anxiety, and the simple systems that help us stop relying on memory and start building support that lasts. 

• turning 40 as a reset point and a chance to shed old expectations 
• the grief and relief that can follow a late ADHD diagnosis 
• why ADHD often shows up as procrastination, shame, and emotional overload 
• the strong link between ADHD brains and creative work in theater, music, and dance 
• how structure and movement can regulate mood and focus 
• advice fatigue and why “ADHD systems” still might not fit you 
• practical organization strategies using paper lists, Post-its, and small daily priorities 
• using digital notes for portable ideas while avoiding out-of-sight pitfalls 
• feeding yourself with low-friction defaults and accessible snacks 
• what to do if you suspect ADHD, including self-assessments and getting support 
• hormones and perimenopause as a major factor for women in their 40s 
• going back to basics with sleep, hydration, and regular meals 

Follow us on Instagram at DiivaOnTheRadio. That’s diva with two eyes. And don’t forget to follow us on TikTok at DivaOnTheRadio. Want to share your thoughts or send us a message? Text us 

https://www.sarahdegravecoaching.com/links/

Transcript

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Welcome And Turning 40

SPEAKER_01 0:01

You're listening to Diva Tonight with Carleen Humphrey, a relationship podcast with a focus on life, love, and friendship. Welcome to Diva Tonight.

Carlene 0:12

Hi, I'm Carleen, and this is Diva Tonight. I have with me on Zoom Sarah DeGrave, and she's in Portland, Oregon, which is I've never been before. She's an ADHD in form coach for creatives and entrepreneurs. And we have a few things in common, which I don't know if she knows.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

So I'm very curious to find out. Yes. Okay. So how are you? I'm good. Thanks for having me on.

Carlene 0:44

Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah. So you recently celebrated your 40th. So how was that? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

It was good. It's it's a weird, I mean, aging is weird in our culture in in any case, but as also like a professional performer, there's a lot of like psychological stuff that comes with transitioning into like a different stage of life. So it's been an interesting time to shed some things and you know think about the future.

Carlene 1:17

Yeah. So you are new into that, like into this chapter. And I think it's kind of like uh what do you call it? Retrospective. Like we look back on like life and how things could have been. And you know, as someone who is a coach and you're also a creative, like you perform in the arts, is that right?

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Yeah, I do theater and music and most things.

Carlene 1:42

Yeah. So we I can relate to you because for 10 years I danced, took ballet lessons. Actually, first jazz. I did jazz for 10 years and then almost 10 years, and then while I was taking jazz dance lessons, they always tell you to do ballet because ballet is part of your core. And you know, I think when it comes to the arts, definitely something that I think a lot of people with ADHD are pretty good with because we're more I feel like I'm more artistic. I don't know if you can relate, but I have ADHD as well. And so that's why I was saying we have a few things in common.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

So yeah, I think there's definitely a big overlap with ADHD and creativity and the arts and all of that. Um just from the way our brains work and also the strengths that come with that of being able to be outside of the box thinkers and also being drawn to things that are kind of new and novel and interesting. And I think a lot of those things kind of pull us into the arts.

ADHD And Creativity In The Arts

Carlene 2:45

Yeah. And so you you said that you got diagnosed later on. And when you think back, do you have those moments like where you think back and you're like, if I had known this when I was younger, it would have helped me with certain things?

SPEAKER_02 3:01

I definitely, I think, especially right after I got diagnosed, there's kind of a period of for a lot of people almost like grief of looking back and being like, what could I have accomplished if I had the support and the self-awareness that I was missing realistically, like thinking back to when I was younger. For me, like the ADHD traits when I look back at my life, since I wasn't really hyperactive, most of them started showing up maybe around age 10 at the earliest of just like struggling to do homework and projects and kind of those things outside of I was fine in class, but like at home trying to do projects. I would always procrastinate until the last minute. So that stuff started showing up. And then when I became a teenager, then like kind of the mo emotional regulation piece started to kick in a little bit more. But that also was a time where I don't know that anyone around me would have been able to articulate and like or help me articulate what was happening and what I needed, even if I did have a diagnosis, like ADHD at the time just wasn't really treated in the same way that it is now, even. So, like probably the options were take medication or maybe some sort of counseling, but I don't think there was quite the understanding to have the support. So I try to like remind myself that even if I had that diagnosis, I don't know that it would have necessarily made that big of a difference because you need also the support systems and it wouldn't have magically made those appear. But there is a part of me that's like, if I had known why I was struggling so much throughout, you know, my 20s, especially, maybe I would have felt less bad about it and had less shame around it and could have given myself some grace and found some new ways to do things. But I think there's also a gift in being diagnosed. I was just thinking about this as I was reflecting on kind of turning 40. And for me, I've definitely noticed in my late 30s, especially like that uh year after year, kind of caring a little bit less what other people think and just feeling like more grounded and centered in myself and being like, I'm fine, like I don't need to impress anyone. And so having been diagnosed around like 35-ish for me, so about five years ago, I think that kind of was a a good point because I was already in the headspace of not really caring what other people thought as much as maybe in my 20s. So I was able to process that diagnosis and be like, whatever, I'm me, I don't care. Like, you know, kind of like I'm just gonna live my life unapologetically. And I think that's one of the gifts of aging and maybe one of the gifts of being diagnosed later in life where you have a little bit more perspective.

Carlene 5:34

Yeah, we got diagnosed at the same time. I think, yeah, COVID kind of was the stopping point for me or like the wake-up call. Because I don't know about you, but for me, I was working every day. And then when I got laid off and I'm like, I don't know, all of a sudden my anxiety went through the roof, and I was having anxiety every day, Sarah. And I finally went to the hospital because I wasn't sleeping well. So sleeping like four or five hours every day. I guess not knowing what the future would hold had me into this mind spell of like, oh my gosh, what am I gonna do? Am I gonna be working next month? They can't really tell me. So, not knowing probably brought up all the things. I guess that's all I could say to make me finally do something about it. They would always get anxious and like if things are not going the right way, or if when you when you're younger, I don't know about you, but I used to lose a lot of things and my mom would get so frustrated, she's like, How did you lose that? I can't believe, you know what I mean? Like the things that I would lose and not knowing, right? You know, the short-term memory, like, yeah, it's a thing. So I think having more grace, like you said, now I I have a little more grace with myself when I can't find something, you know. But at the end of the day, I'm trying to like put things back so I know I'm like, okay, that's where my glasses are. Cause sometimes it's like with the short-term memory, just not putting things back where they belong is like one of those things.

SPEAKER_02 7:06

I think about it as like trying not to lie to myself. Like in the moment, I'll think, oh, I'll remember. And then I just have to like stop myself and be like, hmm, is that true? Will I remember? Or should I just be safe, better safe than sorry? And for me, I don't lose a lot of physical things. Um, okay. It's more like it's more internal. So I'm like trying to carry a lot of stuff around in my head, and I feel like I lose track of, you know, oh, I should have been doing this, and I totally forgot that was a thing that it's like having. If you've ever had nightmares of being like in college and you suddenly realize I was signed up for a course and I didn't go to the course all semester, and I just totally forgot that I was signed up for that. It's like that's kind of the level of panic that I live with. Um, so it's for me, it's like writing things down when I have a thought of like, oh, I need to do this thing. I need to like remind myself still to this day. I'm like, if I don't write this down, that's a dangerous game I'm playing.

Why Coaching ADHD Creatives Matters

Carlene 8:07

Yeah. Oh my goodness. So we talk about, you know, this the the ADHD and like all the myth with it, but like what brought you to this place of like deciding that you want to coach others who have the same struggles?

SPEAKER_02 8:22

A lot of it came through looking at my creative career through the ADHD lens and kind of noticing that a lot of the areas that I was struggling with, things like consistently practicing. I mean, you know, with dance, like you have to, you know, move it or lose it kind of with those skills. And same with singing, like singing, like singing regularly, even though it's a thing I'm choosing to do because I like it and it's something I love to do, like I still couldn't get myself to do it. And that was really confusing to me. I was like, I don't understand why I'm struggling so much. I have so much resistance around just like practicing the things I need to practice, you know, preparing for auditions, things like that. And so I realized after the ADHD diagnosis that a lot of those struggles were related to the ADHD challenges. And then I started looking around. At that point, I was already starting to coach other artists, not like ADHD related, just kind of like on topics related to reconnecting with our own agency as artists and building careers that uh we value and enjoy and um self-advocating, things like that. And so I had already gotten kind of into the coaching realm working with artists, and then once I got that ADHD piece of information about which I knew nothing at the time I was diagnosed. I wasn't even seeking a diagnosis, like it was not on my radar. I just happened to be seeing a therapist, and she was like, the things you're telling me, I think we should maybe look at this assessment. And then when she told me what it was for, I was like, wait, how could I possibly have ADHD when I'm like an introverted, mostly quiet, very still person a lot of times with some chronic fatigue. So like the pieces, the like stereotypes of ADHD, it was hard for me to make the connection, and I never would have made it on my own at the time because it was kind of also right before it started trending on social media, and now there's a lot of stuff out there where someone might stumble on a video and be like, oh, maybe I should look into this further. But at that time, like at the like early 2020, it's kind of right before that started happening. So, so that kind of lens overlaying the creative struggles lens. I was like, oh, this is if I'm gonna keep working with creatives, this is gonna be an important component because when I look around at all my artist friends, I'm like, hmm, I'm seeing a lot of, if not straight up ADHD, like those types of challenges and traits. So I I knew it would be a really important piece to make sure that my coaching was not only effective, but also not creating harm in ways that I didn't realize. Um, you know, looking back at my early coaching days, there's nothing I'm like super cringe at, but you know, the more you learn, the more you know you're like, okay, I would have maybe done that a little bit differently to make sure that someone felt really empowered. So that's that's kind of what drew me toward the ADHD coaching. And then now I work with, you know, ADHDers who aren't artists who are you know in other fields and industries, but there's a lot of overlap for sure.

Childhood Clues And School Anxiety

Carlene 11:31

Yeah. And so, like, when you were younger, like, did you there's there's something like, you know, how you said you didn't really put the two together? And I don't know, for me, when I was younger, there's times where I felt like I didn't really fit the mold. I'm a hoarder of like memories and things like that. And I have my report card from grade six. And when I was, I guess it was 39, 38 or 39, I I found a very interesting um thing that the teacher wrote. Like, it was like Carlene is a great student, but she's very distracted. So like they could already tell at a very young age. So it's it's always been there. It's just that my mom never paid attention to it. Cause I think in the Caribbean house, in a Caribbean or any background I find, but with mine specifically, they don't notice those things, you know. And I don't think my mom would have noticed it even if someone told her, you know, or done something about it. But like for you, did your parents ever notice anything or you know?

SPEAKER_02 12:30

My parents noticed that I was a bit of a perfectionist. That's one thing that they like when I've talked to them about, you know, did you ever notice anything, you know, that seemed like this? Uh because I was like a shy, quiet child who didn't cause any disturbances really. I think a lot of it went under the radar, but with the school work outside of school, like I was mentioning earlier, I sometimes, in addition to procrastinating, would have a really hard time like just like getting through. Like I would spend a lot of time kind of trying to get everything just right, which you know, I didn't have the time to do that because I had procrastinated. I remember one spazy project in like it was in fifth or sixth grade, and we had to create these calendars, and I left it till the last minute, and then I was, you know, trying to like do all this hand-drawn like 12-month calendar, and just could not get myself. I was never good at kind of like half-assing things. Like I just couldn't really figure out how to like bullshit my way through a paper. Like my brain just didn't work that way. So it was either like like hyper perfectionist trying to figure out how to do everything correctly or not doing it at all. So what that as I got older and things got worse, I was, I guess, like kind of unofficially diagnosed with anxiety. Uh, so it was picked up on like my counselor, like there was a lot of there was a big issue in um probably around ninth grade. So for anyone outside of the states system, probably around like age 14, 15 is when things really like hit the fan. And I started having issues with truancy at school, like having so much anxiety that I couldn't get myself to go to school. And then parents, you know, if they couldn't do anything to help me, they'd be like, Okay, you can stay home today. But then it got to a point where I like was starting to get in trouble with the school. And so there was definitely, you know, stuff going on that was really obvious, but I think it was just attributed to anxiety or on the school side, like to me being difficult and causing problems for them, and they just wanted me to kind of step in line, and I had really strong feelings at that age about like what I thought was right and wrong, also about the educational system. I was like, I don't understand why you're like forcing me to go to school all day and then go home and do like two hours of homework when like that's the time when I already knew at that age that I wanted to do theater. And so I was like, I know what career I'm pursuing, and this is not in line with that, so like why should I be investing more time into that? And so like there's definitely a lot of like that kind of rebellious spirit, but I don't think anyone looked at it and was like, is ADHD a possibility? I think they were just like, She's you know, a little dramatic, a little anxiety prone, a little projectionist. Yeah. They just didn't know what to do with me, essentially.

Carlene 15:25

I feel like we're kind of opposites in that way, whereas I was very outspoken, you know, said a lot of things. And obviously the path led to here and now, and you're in theater. And so you said you already knew what you wanted to do. So did that lead you to like taking theater classes? Did you go to school for theater? And then, you know.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

Yeah, I around that same age, like 14, 15, started taking dance classes for the first time. Um, I was really into like old movie musicals. I stumbled upon some on TV and then just was like fascinated. And the whole like Gene Kelly, Judy Garland, Carrie Grant era was very into all of that, and that kind of struck the love of musical theater. So I started taking tap classes and jazz classes and and I started taking voice lessons around that time too. So I was like really starting to get into, you know, as far as my family's capacity to support those activities financially, which it can start to be a heavy load, was doing whatever I could. And then in the summers, I would do theater intensives, or I would, you know, do eight-hour a day classes and at different places. And so like I was I was serious about it. And then I was doing all the shows at school, all the classes at school. I think by my last year of high school. I had like a couple of core classes that I had to take, but the rest it was like I was in two choirs, a theater class, like almost all art stuff. And then I majored in theater in in college, and it was kind of I was choosing between voice and theater, but I felt like I was a weaker actor than singer, so I was like, I should probably work on that skill a little bit more. But one kind of interesting thing that also overlaps with ADHD is that whenever I was doing those things, I was fine. Like emotionally, I was good, mentally, I was good, and I think that's a big reason why my parents supported it so much is they could see like this is the one time where Sarah is happy. It's like if she's doing these things, like she's excelling and she's happy and she's you know making friends. Uh, it was the only place where like I didn't feel like I was struggling all the time.

Carlene 17:32

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 17:33

Yeah. Which I think is that interest-based ADHD brain where it's like if it's the thing you love to do and you're interested in doing it, it's not hard.

SPEAKER_01 17:41

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Carlene 18:14

That is very true. And as a fellow dancer, well, you said you did theater and dance. So as a dancer myself, I think the woman who owns the dance studio, because my parents, I don't, I don't think I would have been able to dance had we, had I not gotten free dance lessons, Sarah. So I'm great, I'm always grateful to her when I think back because it was kind of like an escape for me. I don't know what it was for you, but I felt like I was able to do a lot. Maybe I was striving for perfection because I'm the oldest child. And I think as the oldest, you're always trying to do everything. And maybe I knew then that there's my memory wasn't the greatest because I always used my agenda. Like in high school, I had no problem doing that. And as I think back, sometimes I feel like not knowing may have helped me do a lot of things. But knowing would have probably helped me more in university. But I think in high school, dance really did help me with other things too. Like it helped with like structure and discipline and all the things that we kind of don't want to always do. You know what I mean? Like you know what I mean? Even with dance, you can say this, right? Like, I I didn't like the warm-up exercises. I'm like, oh, why do we have to do this? Like there's certain things right with that we don't like, but it was good. It was it was definitely good. And I and hearing you talk about it, I'm like, yeah, I can relate to that for sure.

SPEAKER_02 19:34

I mean, there's so much good stuff about dance, but that having that structure and that scaffolding that we don't want but know that we need like uh is great. And then also just like the physical exercise component of it and how that helps us regulate um physically and emotionally. And then there's the creative aspect of that like outlet for expression and community, like all of these pieces that I think really support any human being, but especially with ADHD, those are all really important components to a support system.

Systems That Stick And Advice Fatigue

Carlene 20:07

So outside of that, in terms of what you do to keep yourself organized, what have you found that works and what doesn't work?

SPEAKER_02 20:15

I have found a lot of stuff that doesn't work, to be honest. And what's interesting is I was just thinking about this the other day. There's a lot of productivity advice out there and organizational advice, and I think now where we have a lot of voices out there who are like, you know, not everything works for everybody, and don't try to force yourself to use these systems that might work for someone who's more quote unquote neurotypical. But I think there's also a lot of like organizational tips and tricks that are meant to be for neurodiverse brains or, you know, kind of marketed in that way, that still might not work for you. And so that can be, I think, add a level of shame and frustration if we're like, but even the ADHD systems aren't working for me. So I really try to take everything I see with a grain of salt or here with a grain of salt and be like, yeah, that might work for that person who's neurodivergent, but it doesn't mean it's gonna work for me or for someone else or one of my clients who's neurodivergent. But for me personally, definitely externalizing things, so writing things down, making sure that I'm taking the time to like pause and plan and think ahead, because that's not usually a natural ADHD tendency. Like, usually we're like very present-focused and then just going on to the next thing and kind of moving ahead without really thinking about it too much. Uh so making sure that I'm taking the time. For me, it's my brain is clearest at the end of the day, so it's easier for me to sit down before I go to bed and kind of make a list for the next day of like, oh, here are the things I really need to remember, or here are the priorities for tomorrow, as opposed to like getting up. In the morning and try to make that list. Like in the morning, my brain is like already it's not on track. So kind of like finding the energy peaks and the mental clarity times of day and utilizing those to the best advantage, and then taking that time to kind of plan things out, break things down into smaller chunks so that they don't feel so overwhelming, so then our brains don't shut down when we look at the list because it's like, well, that's feels impossible. Those are a couple of things that I do. And then, like I was saying earlier, just trying to be radically honest with myself about what's working and what's not working, and in a non-judgmental way, name that uh sometimes verbally out loud, but sometimes internally to myself and be like, you know what? I have I'm continuing to try to do the same thing, and it's clearly not working. So maybe it's time to stop trying to make this system work and just look at, you know, what was helpful about it, what wasn't, and then try something different.

Carlene 22:59

But can you explain it in detail? Because it's very like, like you're talking about writing lists down, and you know, for me, I like my sticky notes. I find that they help like throw out the place, and I like to use a whiteboard. But for someone who's listening now, like you said, we are in the age of technology where we're overwhelmed. There's so much information now. I think sometimes I have to take a break from it because I'm just like, okay, well, I like this podcaster, I like how she goes about things. And then there's this other one I read her book on. It's like you said, a lot of the information is overwhelming to the point where I'm like, okay, maybe I need to step back and figure out what works for me because it is a lot. There's a lot now, there's a lot of information everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

And you know I call that advice fatigue when we like get burnt out on self-improvement. Like there's just so many, you know, it's and it's tricky with ADHD because our brains are drawn toward novelty and like learning new information. So instead of like taking the time to really try to implement one system and figure out if it works for us, we're gonna quickly want to move on and be like, Well, I don't I'm bored with this. I'm gonna try, oh, this person said this thing, and then our brain like bounces to the other person. Oh, this person said this thing, maybe I'll try that thing. And then before we know it, we've like half-started five things or you know, are bushing them all together in our heads. But for me, like what it looks like in like really um breaking down kind of the systems that I have. I've found that writing things, I I use a mix of digital and paper or planning and organization, depending on the type of thing that it is. For my like to-do list, I keep coming back to paper. I have a brain that's very out of sight, out of mind, and that includes digital stuff. So if it's in my computer, it's gone. Like it's I'm really trying to get better at closing tabs on my computer, but I still use them as like bookmarks for my brain, and I haven't quite broken that habit yet. So I'll have master to-do lists where it's like I'm jotting out, kind of brain dumping all the things that I need to do. And then I have different size post-it notes. So this might be like the things that I need to focus on this week. So if I have a a big long to-do list that's just kind of the storage for my brain to, you know, I need to eventually remember to do these things, then I might take that list and then at the beginning of the week kind of jot down, okay, here are the things that are like pressing or important or time sensitive. And then if that still is like a lot, then I might take a smaller one and like each night for the next day be like, here are the three things, three to five things that I absolutely need to do tomorrow. And then if I have extra time, I can return to the slightly longer list. Usually I don't have extra time because our time management can be also affected by ADHD, where it's like, oh, I can get through those things, and actually takes twice as long, or the transition times take a long time to kind of get ourselves from one thing to the next thing. So, really like identifying what are the top three to five things that I want or need to happen. And then digitally, I use my notes app a lot, and I use like a to-do list type app, and that's where I keep things like my grocery list, but also ideas for projects. So, like as a creative person, I have an idea of like, oh, I have I want to do this concert around this theme, and here are some of the songs that might fit into that theme, I'll put that into my notes app. And so I know it's documented somewhere and I know where to find it, but it's also something that's with me all the time. So if I have those spur of the moment ideas, I can jot them down. Whereas like my paper to-do list lives on my kitchen counter in a certain spot where I have to walk past it every day. But if I'm at the grocery store and I'm like, oh man, this would be a great idea, I don't have that list. So it's kind of like figuring out what where does the digital part excel and then where does the paper part excel for me and my brain. But I'll also use my list app for like meal ideas. I'm really bad at feeding myself. So yeah, me too. I have a doctor's appointment and they're like, tell me about what you eat or like what you ate this week. I'm like, I know that I'm still alive, so I definitely fed myself. Uh like I know that I go to the grocery store and I'm an adult and I put things together and they go in my mouth. But like, if someone asks me what my diet is like, I'm like, um, I had cereal this morning, like the working memory piece is just not there, and the like constant decision making and the planning and cooking is not an area of interest for me. So getting myself to do that, it's a lot. So I also use like my list app for things where it's just like things I can eat for breakfast, so that if I'm having a day, what is breakfast?

Carlene 27:53

That is so I think I might have to take that idea and look at it more because I struggle with that too, not eating like until like lunchtime. Yeah, and I've organized my my like food pantry.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

I have a box that's just like snacks. So it's like I know worst case scenario, if I'm like gotten to the point of no return with hunger, and I know that I'm just like a brain foggy and I'm wandering around my house not doing anything, that like I can go to the snack drawer and be like, here's like some trail mix or a protein bar. Um, so that's another like strategy for making sure that you have those easy to access things for when times are tough and your brain is not functioning at full hours.

Carlene 28:40

Yeah, exactly.

Next Steps And Hormones In Your 40s

Carlene 28:42

So we talked about a lot of like things that work for you versus what could work for someone else. So if a woman is listening and wondering if she has ADHD, what's her next step?

SPEAKER_02 28:55

I want to acknowledge like accessibility is an issue for some people. So I always recommend if you can work with a coach, it can be really valuable. Definitely talk to a few different coaches and find someone who feels like a comfortable fit for you because each coach has a different energy and a different approach, and not everyone's gonna be the right fit. Um, just like finding, you know, any type of practitioner or support person. But having someone you feel comfortable with kind of talking things out and processing and being able to ask questions and be like, here's what I'm experiencing. You know, an ADHD trained coach can help kind of not diagnose ADHD, but help with kind of that pre-diagnosis process of trying to figure out is that something that you want to even pursue? Like, here are some other things that could be at play for women in their 40s. Perimenopause is a big thing where sometimes our hormones start to shift, and that can either make ADHD symptoms worse to the point where finally you feel like you need some extra support, or it can just look like ADHD, but it's mostly hormonal stuff that you know if you get an ADHD diagnosis and medication for that or treatment for that, it's not gonna help with the hormone stuff. So, like knowing what you're trying to get support for is helpful. But also there are some just like free, if you look online and search for like self-assessments for ADHD, I think that's a great place to start to identify what do you relate to and what do you not relate to. The way that I kind of approach it is looking at where is this causing problems in my life. So for most people who have ADHD that is severe enough that they might want to seek extra support, like it's causing some sort of issue in their relationships or their work or their finances or their health and safety. So instead of just looking at these traits of like, oh, do I relate to this thing I saw on TikTok? Really looking at your own life, my struggle to follow through so that I can't hold down a job or what I can afford or I'm not able to kind of maintain my relationships. Like, where is it actually causing friction in your life? And then looking at, you know, what might be causing that friction and what type of support might be helpful, if that makes sense.

Carlene 31:18

Mm-hmm. No, definitely. What is something that you wish, like, well, I mean, you just started this this next stage, but what is something that you wish every woman in her 40s knew about ADHD?

SPEAKER_02 31:29

Definitely that hormonal piece. Like, hormones are gonna have an impact. And the other piece is maybe like it's not too late to start seeing yourself differently and giving yourself permission to get support in whatever ways make you feel good. That like I think there can be a lot of that looking back and being like, oh, what if? But there's also like the looking forward and being like, okay, what if I allow myself to integrate this piece of the puzzle and move forward? Like, what do I want for myself moving forward? And how can I make the most of the next half of my life?

Carlene 32:04

Mm-hmm. Yeah, you know what? It's harder in the 40s, and as myself, I feel like I've had to have more support now. Cause I I've told my doctor many times, I'm like, I feel like I'm Carline 1.0 and I need to be Carlene 2.0. Like, please help me figure this out because, like you said, your health is everything and it affects everything. So it's really important to have those support systems. I feel like at this stage now, like I have to monitor things more. I have to monitor things that I never really used to, but I'm finding at this stage that I have to watch my cycle more, figuring out like, oh my gosh, I feel it even more now. Like my brain fog, uh, short-term memory's worse now, like at certain stages of the month, you know? So it really does help to stop start monitoring things. I'm just talking from my own personal experience, but when you bring up hormones, it it really is something that you have to pay attention to. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:10

And it's always helpful to go back to basics and look at am I sleeping well, am I hydrated, am I eating regularly? Um things that can be a lot harder with ADHD. Like it can interfere with sleep and it can make us less likely to kind of have consistent nutrition. And those things are are just gonna exacerbate any hormonal stuff that's happening or any ADHD traits, uh, because we're gonna be starting from a place of a little bit of brain fog, a little bit of fatigue, uh, a little bit of you know, maybe a little bit more moodiness, just based on the basic physical stuff, and then you have on top of that, you know, the brain differences and the and the hormonal shifts. It's like, okay, yeah, it's it's worth it to just kind of sometimes go back to square one and and look at that.

Back To Basics And How To Connect

Carlene 33:59

Definitely. You're still going back to square one, definitely. So with that being said, if anyone wants to work with you or yeah, wants to maybe just have like a a session to see if that it would work for you to be their coach, how do they behind you?

SPEAKER_02 34:18

You can find me. My website is Sarah Degravecoaching.com and people can book free consultations through there. I'm always happy to chat with people, even if they're not sure if coaching is the direction they want to go, or if they're, you know, just trying to find resources. Feel free to email me. People can also connect with me on Instagram at Sarah Degrave Coaching. I don't post a lot, but I am on there. I probably more than I need to be, probably, but I'm just not uh I'm not great at keeping up with posting on social media. It's not a strength for me.

Carlene 34:54

Uh I post too much, but I understand that. Needing to take a step back, it's definitely a good thing to do that too. But yeah, so Sarah De Grave, you're on Instagram and online, which is amazing. And I want to thank you for sharing your, you know, your knowledge to, you know, um having ADHD. I think I think a lot of people talk about it now, but um, there's a calmer side to you, which I I noticed. It's really nice. So I appreciate that. And I'm Carleen, and this is Diva Tonight with Sarah DeGrav.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

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